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Author:
Rachel Renée Russell

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Tales from a Not-So Secret Crush Catastrophe

Dork Diaries

#1 New York Times Bestselling Series

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Tales from a Not-So Secret
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12

What do you do when YOU'VE accidentally CRUSHED your CRUSH?!
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8

June 12, 2017

WORST HOUSEGUEST EVER!!

dork diaries - nikki & brianna maxwell- june 12
When Brianna asked if she could sign up to be in charge of her classroom pet for a weekend, I think my parents were expecting a fish or a small rodent. Maybe a bird?

NOT A FIVE-FOOT LONG PYTHON!!

Apparently, Monty Python doesn’t usually go home with students, especially since his giant aquarium is hard to move and he doesn’t need that much care. But the school was going to be fumigated over the weekend AND Brianna’s teacher couldn’t take Monty home with her. She said something about living in a strictly no-pets apartment building. (Or maybe that’s what she SAID because she’s a rational person who doesn’t want a PYTHON where she SLEEPS!!)

My mom had to call Dad to come to the school and pick up the snake since Monty’s aquarium wasn’t going to fit in her car. When they got home, I had to help them wrestle the aquarium into the house.

“Where are we going to put it?” my mom complained. Brianna’s dresser wasn’t big enough. And I definitely didn’t want that giant WORM in my room!

“On the kitchen counter?” my dad replied. Then he ducked the death-rays coming out of my mom’s eyes.

“How about the coffee table?”

“But I’m having my book club over tomorrow!” She wailed.

“How about the bath tub?” Brianna suggested.

That was actually a decent idea. I wasn’t too thrilled about having to use my parents’ shower for a couple days. But that was better than having a giant snake in the kitchen!

Right after dinner, Brianna got ready for bed. “I’m sleeeeepy,” she said, doing this totally fake stretch-and-yawn. Then she went to bed—or so we thought!

A few hours later when I went to brush my teeth, I tripped over something lumpy on the floor and SCREAMED! I’m not gonna lie, I thought Monty had escaped the tub. But NO, Brianna had set up a nest of blankets on the bathroom floor, right next to the tub. She didn’t want Monty to be LONELY. (Never mind that Monty spends most nights alone in an empty school, but okay.)

I finally convinced her that we had to sleep in our own BEDS. But the rest of the night I had the grossest, skin-crawly feeling that a giant snake was about to slither under my blankets!

I don’t think my mom slept well either. The next morning, she was more stressed out than usual as she ran around tidying up for her book club.

“Whatever you do,” she said, “do NOT mention the snake to Mrs. Wallabanger!”

I’m not even sure who she was talking to!! Herself, maybe? It wasn’t like Brianna or I were going to attend Book Club!

“Why not?” Brianna asked, looking offended.

“She’s very afraid of snakes, Brianna,” Mom said. “And we don’t want to make her feel uncomfortable in our home.”

But it was okay for the REST of us to feel uncomfortable in our home?! That was reassuring!! ☹

Before the ladies arrived, my mom slapped an “Out of Order” sign on the door to our bathroom.

“Is that really necessary?” my dad asked.

My mom froze in the middle of arranging pastries on a tray. “Do you REMEMBER what happened the last time I hosted Book Club?”

We ALL remembered. It’s a looooong story. Let’s just say it involved Brianna, the neighbor’s cat, a bubble bath, and a very expensive handbag that was never the same again. It’s been about a year since Mom hosted Book Club.

When the doorbell rang, Mom turned to us and whispered all serious-like, “There is NO snake in this house, UNDERSTAND?” Even Brianna looked like she understood.

Which is why I was shocked when I heard the SCREAM an hour later.

I raced out of my room and ran smack into Mrs. Wallabanger. She was screaming her head off.

“Mrs. Wallabanger!” I stammered as Mom skidded into the hallway.

Mrs. Wallabanger nearly ran me over as she dashed by, dove into MY room, and slammed the door! And then she locked it!

Next, Mom screamed!!

Then the doorway out to the living room was filled with women screaming. But only for a second before they scattered away from the hall.

“Brianna!!” my mother bellowed.

With all the screaming, it took me a second to notice the GIANT BEAST slithering its way down the hall! Toward me!!

Then I was screaming!!!

Suddenly there was a loud whistle. We all turned to see Brianna in the bathroom doorway. I didn’t even know she could whistle! “You guys are scaring Monty!” she scolded.

Then she marched down the hallway, scooped the snake up, and hauled it back to the bathroom. “Poor Monty,” she cooed. “These horrible people are TRUAMATIZING you!”

From outside, we could hear the screeching tires of cars quickly leaving our house.

Mom was in shock. Dad reinforced Monty’s aquarium with about three rolls of duct tape. And, I completely forgot Mrs. Wallabanger was in my room until I tried to go back in there and the door was locked!

It took me forever to convince her that the snake was back in its cage. “No more Book Club for me,” she muttered, as I walked her to her car. “No more books! No more clubs! Staying home is nice!”

Staying home is only nice if you DON’T have a python for a guest! I’m going to Zoey’s tonight and I’m not coming home until Monty is back where he belongs!!

Is there anything that you’re really afraid of and why? Leave your answers in the comments!

Category: My Diary Tags: Briannanikki

Comments

  1. 225
    Ahhhhhhh! says:
    June 19, 2017 at 9:51 am

    I am really scard of high places one i started crying when i was on one. And my friends always make fun of me

    • 225.1
      Replier says:
      June 19, 2017 at 10:14 am

      Now I’m wondering if I should go to SixFlags. I don’t want to end up BARFING!! UGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

  2. 224
    PinkCupcake697 says:
    June 19, 2017 at 8:26 am

    OMG, this is crazy. I am afraid of heights so I really struggle at theme parks!

  3. 223
    like but no like person says:
    June 19, 2017 at 4:05 am

    Soo relaxing… I like it on the beach under the cool hot sun…
    But I am afraid of hot places.
    Arrrggghhh…
    Get me out of here!

  4. 222
    White Diary says:
    June 19, 2017 at 2:39 am

    I am scarred of animals especially dogs. It is really weird. If my sister brought a python home I would run from my house.

    • 222.1
      Not a dog girl says:
      June 19, 2017 at 2:29 pm

      Yes me to i find them soooooo scary

  5. 221
    cat girl 11 says:
    June 19, 2017 at 12:42 am

    i am afraide of sharks and big sqwid

  6. 220
    JJ_Love says:
    June 19, 2017 at 12:22 am

    im scared of the giant clock spider….eek!:0

  7. 219
    Anonymous Beauty says:
    June 19, 2017 at 12:01 am

    SPIDERS SPIDERS SPIDERS!!

  8. 218
    puppybunnylover1766 says:
    June 19, 2017 at 12:00 am

    I’m scared of dogs (beside Pugs) . Mostly because I’m scared they will bark at me.And the reason I am not scared of Pug is because they are very quite and gentle and the fact that they are adorable.That why when my dad asks me if I want to go for a walk I say no because usually when I go I at least see one dog.

  9. 217
    Dork lover says says:
    June 18, 2017 at 8:58 pm

    I love snakes but my mom hates/is scared of them I want one but my mom won’t let me

  10. 216
    diva101 says:
    June 18, 2017 at 7:52 pm

    i am scared of snakes,spider and bees

  11. 215
    Cute Cuddly Cupcake Dork says:
    June 18, 2017 at 6:32 pm

    OMG!! That is totally FREAKY!!!! I am absolutely TERRIFIED of snakes! Well not as much as Ms. Wallabanger. Still it’s FREAKY!! How could you live with a BEAST that big Nikki?! You are sooo BRAVE!!!

  12. 214
    JustARandomNobody says:
    June 18, 2017 at 6:30 pm

    I’m afraid of being rejected – by crushes and just people in general.

  13. 213
    Pokegurl says:
    June 18, 2017 at 5:46 pm

    I’m scared of being alone and dying! But I love anime!

  14. 212
    Nikki Lover says:
    June 18, 2017 at 4:06 pm

    SPIDERS!

  15. 211
    looker backer says:
    June 18, 2017 at 2:57 pm

    remeber the story the day i bugged out? you never finished it. i am looking at all your storys and i had noticed it.can you finish it soon?

  16. 210
    Princess dork says:
    June 18, 2017 at 2:11 pm

    Alfraid of the dark, bugs, bad grades

  17. 209
    Unusually Awesome says:
    June 18, 2017 at 1:50 pm

    Wow, this seems like a very unusual experience. Don’t worry, at least something exciting happens that is REALLY out of the ordinary.

  18. 208
    Crazy girls says:
    June 18, 2017 at 1:40 pm

    It’s a little funny and I fell bad for the other book club members

  19. 207
    think fast.io says:
    June 18, 2017 at 1:33 pm

    if i was you mom nikki i would reschedule the meeting so it can be the next weeknd instead of scareing the guest

    plus i think brianna was right becouse snakes are way more scared of us than we are of them. remeber the reson the snakes have venom. (not to bite the mean populer girls…unfortunitly *sigh*)
    she might be smarter than you think…

  20. 206
    SCARED OF MOST ANIMALS says:
    June 18, 2017 at 10:50 am

    I’m scared of snakes and alligators. Im also scared of spiders.Im scared of these animals because they can bite of kil you. EeEeEeEeKKKKK

  21. 205
    help less dork says:
    June 18, 2017 at 10:40 am

    i am talented at art so a lot of people are asking me to do book covers or tattoos for them i hate it every time i say no they scowl at me so a lot of the time i hide in the toilets a lot of the give me lip gloss as a gift most of the time strawberry.

    BUT I HATE IT NO ONE BUT MY BFFS ACTUALLY LIKE ME
    HHEEELLLLLLLLPPPPPPPP

  22. 204
    Zoya says:
    June 18, 2017 at 10:36 am

    OMG! I’m freaked out by spiders! ( But for some reason, I like Spiderman, being a spider for Halloween, and cleaning cobwebs in our basement!) I didn’t know that my cousin would be bringing his pet Tarantula into my house! I got soo scared! I was able to pull myself together…FOR A STINKIN’ 10 MINUTES! I was totally fine with him keeping his spider away from me. BUT! I FOUND OUT THAT MR. HARRY LEGS’S NEW HOME WAS MY BEDROOM! I’M EXTREMELY TRAUMATIZED!

  23. 203
    Lolsie says:
    June 18, 2017 at 10:30 am

    Why watch TV when there’s Dork Diaries
    -Harriet Tubman

  24. 202
    Spider man lover says:
    June 18, 2017 at 8:45 am

    I’m scared of spiders, but I love spiderman.
    Kinda weird right?

    • 202.1
      Scared of spider girl says:
      June 18, 2017 at 1:43 pm

      Yeah me too so I think we should try to stay away from spiders or get over it

    • 202.2
      emoji lover says:
      June 18, 2017 at 2:55 pm

      Yeah pretty weird. But spiderman is cool I guess

    • 202.3
      Anonymous says:
      June 19, 2017 at 12:23 am

      that is a little strange but its what makes you you! !

  25. 201
    Kiss Brandon says:
    June 18, 2017 at 8:02 am

    I’m really scared of cold , deep water!
    Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr……..soooo cold!

    • 201.1
      experince.io says:
      June 18, 2017 at 1:47 pm

      i almost drowned in our pond so i am sooo scared of water that i cant touch in… :[

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