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Rachel Renée Russell

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Tales from a Not-So Happy Birthday

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May 16, 2018

My BFF is OBSESSED with her crush!

Dear Nikki,

My BFF is TOTALLY OBSESSED with this guy she’s crushing on! Everyday, it’s “He LOVES that!,” “He’ll HATE this!” or “He’s coming my way! Quick, how do I look?!” It’s driving me KA-RAY-ZEE! At first I thought she’d get over it. But today, she didn’t eat a hamburger since he’s going vegan, and she LOVES hamburgers! I tried to talk to her about it, but she was too busy trying to take a photo of him for the background of her phone. Please help!!

Crazy Crushitis Crisis

Hi Crazy Crushitis Crisis,

This sounds SUPER annoying. But also? (Hangs head in shame…) I’m pretty sure I’ve been that annoying BFF. So, please be patient with her. It might be lasting longer than you hoped, but it IS just a phase. Like, she’s not going to try to sneak a photo of him at your high school graduation. I promise!

But, that doesn’t mean you have to just grit your teeth and accept the obsession. Especially if you see her changing who she is to try to please this guy. Because that is NOT cool.

I think there are a few things you can do.

First, talk to your friend. Keep it light. Let her know you care about her, but also that she’s driving you a little crazy. And suggest a few things to help keep your friendship healthy, even while she’s on her extended tour of “Crush Land.”

Maybe you could agree on crush-free zones. Like times of day, or places, where no crushing is allowed. And there’s a penalty if the crush comes up. So like, for example, you could agree to do this when you’re on the bus going to school, or when you talk to each other on the phone after finishing your homework. And during those times, she’s not allowed to bring up the crush. If she does, you keep a count. And if it happens X number of times, she owes you a fro-yo, your favorite candy bar, or whatever works for you guys.

But if she’s going to make this effort NOT to talk about him sometimes, then there have to be times when you make the effort to put up with the obsession. Because she’s your BFF and you want her to be able to talk to you about what’s important to her, right??

I do think it’s fair to talk to her about the hamburger thing, though. And it’s probably not just the hamburger thing. Like, I’m guessing there are other ways she’s changing who she is or how she looks to try to please this guy. And it sounds like she needs a good BFF pep talk about how she’s awesome the way she is, and if he doesn’t like her the way she is, then he doesn’t deserve her.

Maybe it’s because I’ve been in her shoes (with a HUGE crush on you-know-who!), but I think you can try to talk to her about this. You just need to be patient. Because the fact is, the tables will probably turn. YOU’LL be the one with the crush obsession, and when she gets super annoyed with you, you’ll be able to say, “Okay, but remember how much I put up with when you were obsessed with vegan guy?!”

And even if you somehow manage to never be a super annoying love-struck BFF, you’ll have been a really, really good friend, and that WILL benefit you in other ways. I promise!

How do you guys handle it when your BFF is OBSESSED with their crush? Or, how do your friends handle it when YOU’RE the crush-obsessed one? Tell us in the comments

Category: Ask Nikki Tags: best friend, bf, crushnikki

Comments

  1. 25
    kitkat says:
    May 16, 2018 at 4:05 pm

    My crush is a vegetarian. But I told these annoying kids at my lunch table and they wont stop bothering me about it.

  2. 24
    Grumpy Cat says:
    May 16, 2018 at 3:55 pm

    *Tries to talk to friend about how OBSESSED she is with her crush*
    “One second, I’m trying to take a picture of him for my background

    • 24.1
      #1 Dorky Princess says:
      May 20, 2018 at 6:24 pm

      LOL

  3. 23
    Joyfulbug04 says:
    May 16, 2018 at 3:40 pm

    My friend is the same way I can’t even hang out with her cause of it I don’t know how to stop it but thanks Nikki now I know how

  4. 22
    Princess unicorn and dorkicorn says:
    May 16, 2018 at 3:40 pm

    Don’t worry just say “Ummm can we talk about something else?” Then talk then she’ll move out of fantasyland and talk girly stuff youz like (P.S I have a bit of gangster talk).

  5. 21
    Pinkiedash says:
    May 16, 2018 at 3:20 pm

    I just got over my crush!!!!

  6. 20
    Princess Fish says:
    May 16, 2018 at 2:34 pm

    Honestly I’d crush on the guy in the background an the drawing behind the guy the girl is crushing on!!!!!!! LOOK AT HIS FACE!!!!!!!!

  7. 19
    NIYAH says:
    May 16, 2018 at 2:08 pm

    WHY NOT TALK BACK

  8. 18
    Murphy says:
    May 16, 2018 at 1:42 pm

    Good advice that’s What a Good friend do for each other

  9. 17
    Crazy girl says:
    May 16, 2018 at 1:35 pm

    I like I guy and I’m obsessed I memorized his dads license plate lol

  10. 16
    a girl with a crush says:
    May 16, 2018 at 1:09 pm

    omg I feel so bad for you but I’m probably your BFF I’m the only one in my school who has a crush just tell her get her bring her to a place were there is no one around and tell her

  11. 15
    dorkie kray-zee girl says:
    May 16, 2018 at 1:00 pm

    dear niki, im the obsessed one and my bff hates it i only know she does because she talked to me about it…..and that talk was totes emberising…..but after that i felt bad and wanted to end it so i told my crush how i felt and now its all better cuz now i got my bff back and i got my NEW BOYFIRED!

  12. 14
    cat lover forever says:
    May 16, 2018 at 12:38 pm

    My crush always stares at my and i do same then we both blush almost all day every day because we sit next to each other everywhere OMA we are even in the same clubs!!!! i loooovveee playing IT with him he also has dark hair like Brandon SQEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE (so Nikki i see you sister)AND

    • 14.1
      KindaCutGirlWhoHasACrush says:
      May 17, 2018 at 12:43 pm

      Lol talk about crush-it is MEGA FEVER

    • 14.2
      idk says:
      May 17, 2018 at 6:11 pm

      same

  13. 13
    CAT LOVER EVER says:
    May 16, 2018 at 12:31 pm

    girlfrend you really need to talk to your BFF

    • 13.1
      #1 Dorky Princess says:
      May 16, 2018 at 6:24 pm

      Yeah

  14. 12
    Discriminated Daughter says:
    May 16, 2018 at 12:06 pm

    Dear Nikki,
    My parents blame me for everything! A lot of stuff has been going on in our family, and my parents take it out on me, the oldest. I’m the one that gets the backlash. I’m sick and tired of it because I do my part in the family. I want to tell my parents how I feel, but I don’t know how! I’m at my breaking point!!

    • 12.1
      a girl with a crush says:
      May 16, 2018 at 1:12 pm

      Then tell them tell them now or ask Nikkei #dorkrule

    • 12.2
      Miss Dork :) says:
      May 16, 2018 at 1:31 pm

      Hi Discriminated Daughter,
      JEEZ! That’s tough!
      You should tell your parents,
      “I feel like I’m getting all the blame for stuff I haven’t done! I do my part in this family and I end up being told off!”
      Don’t raise your voice and just be honest with them about the whole problem! You need to tell them sooner or later and sooner is better. If you don’t you could feel like you want to run away or you could feel upset, we don’t want that. Be honest, be calm, explain everything. It will make a difference and hopefully your parents will understand and make things better.
      Maybe speak to somebody that you can trust like a teacher, a really close relative, one of your siblings who will understand what you’re on about or your grandparents.
      Hope everything turns out ok!
      Best wishes~ Miss Dork 🙂

    • 12.3
      Scotch Eggs says:
      May 16, 2018 at 2:33 pm

      Hi Discriminanted Daughter,

      Okay so this is not right! Anyone you ask will agree with me. I feel you should DEFINATELY tell your parents how you feel. Because they need to encourage you and brighten your day when it’s been awful!! Not put a dampner on it. Ask if you can sit down and talk about something that is really nagging at the back of your mind! As parents there sympathy should stretch at least that far!! Tell them your really worried about a friend from school and that they feel that their parents blame them for everything. This way your parents can tell you how they feel about that. Then after they share their opinion just say, “what if that person was me?” Hopefully they’ll realise that you feel that they blame you for everything and tell you that they didn’t realise what they were doing.

      Good luck,
      Scotch Eggs xxxx

    • 12.4
      100% TomBOI says:
      May 16, 2018 at 3:50 pm

      Discriminated Daughter,

      Oml! I have the same problem! I’m the oldest too, and
      my parents are always taking things out on me too!
      Don’t ya just HATE it?

    • 12.5
      Glitter Bomb says:
      May 16, 2018 at 3:52 pm

      I’m so sorry! I’m the oldest sibling (I’m twelve) and I have twin brothers who are 9 and I have dealt with the same thing all the time! Tell them you don’t like the way you are treated by them. If they get mad or refuse to listen, go to a school guidance counselor or another trusted adult to get help. This is never fair, and I hope it gets better soon!

    • 12.6
      Rejected daughter says:
      May 16, 2018 at 6:00 pm

      Girl, don’t feel bad because i’m going through the same thing so I guess we both have to get through this❤️

    • 12.7
      #1 Dorky Princess says:
      May 16, 2018 at 6:19 pm

      Same! I know it might be the other way around, but my parents mostly blame me because they think my older brother knows best. But my brother gets in trouble a lot too. You should try saying, “Mom, Dad, I know I’m the oldest, but I feel like you are blaming me. Sometimes I don’t do anything but you blame me. I’m not trying to be rude, but it’s the truth. Like that time (your sister or brother) did this to me…..” and so on. I hope this helps. (I apologize if my advice is useless (I’m not so great at dishing out advice, but I like helping others 🙂 )

    • 12.8
      Nikki says:
      May 16, 2018 at 7:26 pm

      You should try to talk to them and if they still blame you just try not to do anything that could be wrong. And I feel you they do that sometimes to us older kids.

    • 12.9
      Dorky Queen says:
      May 16, 2018 at 8:55 pm

      Hi Discriminated Daughter!

      I’m the oldest too, so we can relate to that. I suggest you talk with your parents when they are in a good mood. Start off with telling them that you know they’re going through family issues, then move on to how responsible you are. Finish it off by saying that you do realize that you’re the eldest but that you feel a little uncomfortable when they get a little upset. Hope this helps!

    • 12.10
      unicornmelmel says:
      May 16, 2018 at 8:58 pm

      Dear Discriminated Daughter,
      I totally get you! I am the oldest too, and I used to get blamed for everything.
      Talk this out with the more chill parent. Use persuasive language like, “I don’t like it when you take out your anger on me. It hurts my feelings and makes me feel sad. I’d really like it if you could use another, more peaceful method to calm down.” If they reply, “Like what?” You could give them ideas. For example, getting a diary or going for a walk.
      Write the more strict parent a note. The exact same thing with the other parent, but just in word form. If they talk to you about it later on, use a not too harsh but firm voice tone. Stand up straight and look them in the eye. Seeming confident will always help!
      You can even practice. Don’t seem really mad or upset. Be intimidating. You can do this, girlfriend! I believe in you!
      Never keep this to yourself. At a point, you’ll have to let it all out and explode. The sooner, the calmer it will be. The calmer, the better.
      You’ve got this! Believe in yourself 🙂

    • 12.11
      Flower Power says:
      May 16, 2018 at 9:10 pm

      If you can’t get up the nerve to tell your parents, write them a note or email.

    • 12.12
      cooldudette says:
      May 16, 2018 at 10:21 pm

      Wow im the middle child but i know how you feel. You should talk to them and try to help in any way possible. Good luck! I hope this helps!

    • 12.13
      Anonymous says:
      May 17, 2018 at 1:31 am

      SAME! I am always getting blamed for everything, I’m the oldest, and a lot of stuff is going on in my family.

    • 12.14
      POPULAR7 says:
      May 17, 2018 at 2:04 pm

      Tell them the next time they shout at u. They shd’nt be doin it

    • 12.15
      i love unicats says:
      May 17, 2018 at 2:26 pm

      Maybe you should tell your BFF’s about it because they could have an idea.

    • 12.16
      ArtsyxX says:
      May 17, 2018 at 4:35 pm

      Boy, have I had this before. I know it sucks, but maybe talk to your parents and tell them how you feel. It’s hard being the oldest, but I just want to let you know we’re here for you! =D

    • 12.17
      Flower girl says:
      May 17, 2018 at 4:45 pm

      I ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Dork Diaries!!!!!!!
      ( I hope you do too!)

    • 12.18
      Hopefully Helpful says:
      May 18, 2018 at 1:41 pm

      Um, Flower Girl, how is that supposed to help Discriminated Daughter? Anyway, Discriminated Daughter, talk to your parents about this, ok? Don’t hide stuff from them. Believe me, I went through the same thing, and it just got worse when I didn’t tell them. But don’t raise your voice at all! That will also make it worse. Just tell them how you feel. But don’t tell them what you think they should do. Then you will get blamed for “taking away their authority”. I really hope this helps.

    • 12.19
      Anonymous says:
      May 18, 2018 at 10:05 pm

      Go talk to a school confessor about this.

    • 12.20
      #1 Dorky Princess says:
      May 18, 2018 at 10:47 pm

      I wrote to you before, but Nikki didn’t post it, so I just want to say that what I said is like what Miss Dork said. Tell your parents. I’m not the oldest but I get a lot of blame too! (I’m the youngest). Just say, “Mom, Dad, I do my part of the family, but it feels like you’ve been blaming me. I always get told off!” Do NOt speak harshly. You could also give an example of one time where your brother or sister did something, but you got blamed. I hope this helps. )I apologize if my advice is completely useless, but I love helping others!

  15. 11
    Fed up Friend says:
    May 16, 2018 at 12:00 pm

    Dear Nikki,
    I like this guy and I think he likes me too, but we have a BIG problem. My friend like him and is ruining our relationship! One thing she did was she got upset that he was with me so he stopped hanging out with me to cheer her up. I know she hasn’t been doing it on purpose because she doesn’t know I like him, but he said he doesn’t like her back and she won’t get over it no matter what I say to her. I’m tired of dealing with this! What should I do?!

    • 11.1
      Miss Dork :) says:
      May 16, 2018 at 1:13 pm

      Hi Fed Up Friend,
      You need to ask yourself this question…
      Do you want to go out with a guy OR stay friends with your good friend?
      If you want to stay friends the you need to tell her,
      “If you don’t want to me go out with him then tell me and I won’t,”
      But if you want to go out with this guy then tell your friend,
      “I know we like the same guy but I really want to go out with me and I don’t want a guy to become between our friendship,”
      I think you should speak to you friend and this dude. Tell them your problem, I’m sure they would understand. Good luck!
      Best wishes~ Miss Dork 🙂

    • 11.2
      #1 Dorky Princess says:
      May 16, 2018 at 6:24 pm

      Fed Up Friend, I think you should try, one last time, saying,” (Name of friend), I just want to let you know that me and (name of crush) aren’t dating or anything. We just like hanging out! But we’d LOVE it if you can hang out with us! It’ll be fun!” If she says no, try to think maybe WHY she might be doing this, and give her some time. I think she’ll eventually get over it and hang out with you! 😉 I hope this helps!

    • 11.3
      unicornmelmel says:
      May 16, 2018 at 9:03 pm

      Tell the boy how you feel. “I really like you and if you like me, I know you’ll tell my friend that you like me and that you just want to be friends with her. It makes me sad when you do this and if you be honest with her, it’ll be so much better than pretending.”
      To the girl, say, “He thinks you’re a great friend. JUST a great FRIEND.” If she keeps on obsessing over him, say, “We like each other and it makes me sad that instead of being happy for me, you keep on going in between us.” REAL FRIENDS WILL UNDERSTAND AND BACK OFF! If she keeps on trying to steal your man, she’s not a real friend. And give the guy the hint you really care about him. However you feel comfortable. Whether it’s saying it out loud to him, or giving him a hug. You’ve got this! 🙂

    • 11.4
      Fed Up Friend's twin says:
      May 17, 2018 at 2:28 am

      OMG GIRL I HEAR YOU!
      My ‘bff’ is being carried away thinking the world resolves around her so it makes it hard when the guy I’m crushing on (who has a crush on me) is forever being dragged away by her because she has a big fat crush (ON ALL THE BOYS). Whats worse is the boys are going to ask their crushes out at the end of years dance and he was going to ask me out but now my ‘bff’ is sabotaging it!!

    • 11.5
      POPULAR7 says:
      May 17, 2018 at 2:05 pm

      Let go of your friend if she hurts you more.

    • 11.6
      Anonymous says:
      May 17, 2018 at 3:11 pm

      Talk to her about it

    • 11.7
      ArtsyxX says:
      May 17, 2018 at 4:40 pm

      Chill… breathe in… breathe out… you know, if this guy doesn’t like your friend back, he won’t abandon you for her and he won’t let your friend ruin your relationship. I suggest you might want to talk to your friend if you really feel it’s getting out of control, but honestly, it seems like this guy is just ultra polite and doesn’t want to hurt your friend’s feelings, especially if she’s your friend. He can’t be in two places at once.
      But I also think your friend could possibly be upset that you could be spending more time with him than with her. If that’s the case, you can explain to her that both of her and him mean a lot to you.

      Hope that helped! =D

    • 11.8
      #ILUVDORKDIARIES!!!! says:
      May 17, 2018 at 7:33 pm

      I’m not Miss Know-It-All, but here’s what I think for you:
      Come clean on your friend. She should understand. If she gets mad at you, then she’s not worth being your friend. People shouldn’t let crushes get in the way of their friendships. Friends over Crushes!

    • 11.9
      #1 Dorky Princess says:
      May 18, 2018 at 10:53 pm

      Hi Fed Up Friend, I wrote to you before too but I don’t think Nikki posted it. So I want to say that you can try talking to her one last time, and say, “(Name of friend), I just want to let you know that me and (name of crush) aren’t dating or anything. We’re just friends and hang out together! But we’d LOVE it if you could join us!” If she still ignores you, just give her some time to think about it. I hope you read this and I hope this helps you! (Sorry if it doesn’t).

  16. 10
    Dork Diaries Superfan says:
    May 16, 2018 at 11:05 am

    I talk about my crush quite a lot like “That totally reminds me of him.” but I don’t do it all the time, just occasionally.

  17. 9
    HIP HIP HOORAY says:
    May 16, 2018 at 10:36 am

    I’m really obsessed with my crush.

    • 9.1
      a girl with a crush says:
      May 16, 2018 at 1:14 pm

      Same here girl friend but it just happens

    • 9.2
      Number #1 fan says:
      May 16, 2018 at 5:00 pm

      Same but i have decided to get over him

  18. 8
    Kiwi says:
    May 16, 2018 at 10:26 am

    Omg same here by BFF had a total crush on a guy in 5th grade (Dylan) it was sooooo anoying!!!

  19. 7
    Tiger says:
    May 16, 2018 at 9:42 am

    Trust me, I’ve been there and been THAT GIRL(exept changing myself) but it blew over. like it ALWAYS does! A crush is just that A CRUSH it’s not gonna last forever. maybe talk with her about why its bothering you, and tell her that changing herself is never a good thing to do UNLESS IT”S ON HER OWN TERMS.

    • 7.1
      #1 Dorky Princess says:
      May 16, 2018 at 6:25 pm

      I agree

  20. 6
    Cereal?! Cereal?!! says:
    May 16, 2018 at 8:28 am

    I am very obsessed with my crush but wouldn’t go vegan for him.

    • 6.1
      #1 Dorky Princess says:
      May 16, 2018 at 6:26 pm

      Yeah 😉

  21. 5
    Online name is always Lola >3 says:
    May 16, 2018 at 8:07 am

    Yikes!

  22. 4
    Daylight says:
    May 16, 2018 at 7:59 am

    Sadly,I am the one who is quite obsessed with my crush.But, I don’t tell my friends, because I don’t want them knowing.

  23. 3
    Crush lover says:
    May 16, 2018 at 7:57 am

    I am really having the same problem

  24. 2
    Double Dork says:
    May 16, 2018 at 7:34 am

    My friends will never do that!!

    • 2.1
      andromeda1013 says:
      May 16, 2018 at 3:22 pm

      YES they will.

  25. 1
    Anonymous says:
    May 16, 2018 at 7:19 am

    I’ve been obsessed with my crush in the past but trust me, it’ll blow over

    • 1.1
      y head says:
      May 16, 2018 at 9:43 am

      I agree with you! I used to be GA-GA all over my crushes but at the end of the year it blew over. Unfornatley, my friend is not doing so well

    • 1.2
      i love dork diaries☺ says:
      May 16, 2018 at 4:07 pm

      Same here.

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