OMG!! Today I had the biggest fashion dilemma EVER in the history of the WORLD!!!
The week had been unbelievably HOT and our A/C broke. Mom and Dad said it wasn’t “ecologically responsible” to drive around and around in the car with the A/C on. I was SO HOT I would have even been okay driving in Dad’s roach-mobile!!
But noooo, suddenly my parents were environmentalists or something!
So when my mom suggested we go to the community pool, I ignored the reasons I usually say no. (Overcrowded, screaming toddlers and pee in the pool, to start.) I said fine and Brianna danced around so much I got hotter just looking at her.
But when I went to grab my swimsuit, I couldn’t find it!! I searched EVERYWHERE!!
It wasn’t in my drawers or my closet. It wasn’t under my bed. It wasn’t in the laundry room.
“Tick tock, Nikki,” my mom said, when I asked her if she’d seen it. “If we don’t get there early, we won’t get in.”
I tried to remember the last time I’d worn my bathing suit, but I couldn’t!
“You can wear one of mine,” my mom said.
I almost DIED. First of all, one of my mom’s suits would NOT fit me. And even if they would, they’d be way too old lady! (No offense to my mom. But she’s not exactly a fashion icon.)
I was searching through the very back of my closet when my mom appeared in my doorway. “I’ve had this since before I had kids,” she said, with a sort of faraway look in her eyes. “I always hoped it would fit me again, but somehow I don’t think so.”
She tossed it on my bed and snapped, “Now, hurry up and let’s go.” I was almost afraid to look. But I was also sweating through my shorts and tank top. A swimming pool sounded like heaven right about then…
I looked.
OMG. My mom’s suit was leopard print…but not regular, like black and tan, leopard. It was NEON pink and NEON green leopard print!
Things only got more confusing from there. I couldn’t figure out whether it was a one-piece or a two-piece. It all held together in one piece when I picked it up, but there were way more holes than I knew what to do with.
When I finally got it on, I stared in horror at the mirror. It fit…I guess? But it was like the bathing suit couldn’t decide whether it wanted to be a one-piece or a two-piece. It was all connected like a one piece, but it had this giant cutout in the stomach and the middle of the back. The 1980’s had come to haunt me and I would be forever scarred.
“Yikes,” Brianna said from the doorway.
I almost went over and slammed the door in her face, but she was holding out a suit, too. For a second I thought maybe she’d found mine.
“You can wear this one,” she said. “I stretched it out too much playing tug of war with Daisy.”
I sighed. It couldn’t be worse than Mom’s Technicolor leopard monstrosity. Could it?
I put it on and…it depends how you define worse. It was a little tight. And faded. And linty. And it had My Little Ponies all over it. Plus a ruffle on the butt.
I only had a minute to decide, because by this time, Mom was honking from the driveway.
I grabbed my towel and headed for the door. I figured it was sort of…retro? In a better way than Mom’s suit, which was ACTUALLY retro.
So, now we’re in the car on the way to the pool and I’m just keeping my fingers crossed I don’t see ANYONE I know!!! Otherwise, I’m going to be known as Pony Ruffle Butt forever!!
