April 16, 2013 SOCIAL MEDIA HUMILIATION!! I am so SUPER mad at my Mom!! I swear she wants me to be the world’s biggest dork! Seriously, I think she starts each day with a to-do list that looks a little something like this: 1. Wait until Nikki has a friend over to ask her if she needs some super embarrassing product from the drug store, like anti-odor foot cream or lice shampoo. 2. Wait until a boy calls Nikki on the phone. Then pretend you don’t know she got a call, and scream, “Niiikkki!! Want to go shopping for training bras?” 3. Severely limit Nikki’s ability to climb the social media social ladder. I would totally go with her to buy anti-odor foot cream, lice shampoo, AND a training bra if she stayed away from ALL social media sites! When I first got on Facebook, getting my parents’ approval was about as easy as walking a tight rope, blindfolded, while carrying a trash bag full of squirming snakes. My Dad asked, “What if you get a friend request from some strange guy?” And I said, “I’ll accept it, give him our address, and then invite him over some night when you guys are out. I’M KIDDING! Seriously, do you think I’m BRAIN DEAD???” Except I said it in my head so no one heard it but me. What I REALLY said was, “Don’t worry, Dad! I’ll only accept friend requests from people I know. Cross my heart!” Then my Mom asked, “What if kids are mean to you online? I’ve read all about cyber bullying and I won’t let it happen to you!” And I said, “Actually, mother, that’s precisely why I want to be on Facebook! Do you know that 10-20% of young people deal with cyber bullying regularly? I fully plan to start a Facebook support group to help these troubled souls, which I’m sure will look great on my college application someday!” OK, so that was a total lie. But statistics are a great way to support your case, and you always get mad props with your parents when you throw out college application references. You can never start too early. Seriously, I’ve been doing this since I was 6! It totally worked like a charm! Everything was great until the other day when my mom started her own Facebook page. For her profile picture, she uploaded a photo of the two of us, wearing matching dorky holiday sweaters and hugging. In her profile, she wrote that her job is, “…to be a loving mother to two of the most precious, precocious young ladies in the world, Nikki and Brianna Maxwell.” But the worst thing is what she did to my wall. ARRRRRRGGGG!! I didn’t even tell you yet, but just thinking about it makes me want to scream! At 3:30 PM, she wrote, “Hi hun! Are you doing your homework yet? You’re HOME…and that WORK won’t do itself, KOK.” I assume she meant to type LOL but hit the wrong letters…even though it was SO not funny. At 5:30, she wrote, “Hi hun! It’s dinner time! I just made meat loaf and creamed corn. Want to come down and make a salad with Brianna and me? We miss you down here!” But the worst was at 7:30 when she wrote, “Hi hun! Who’s that boy who wrote “cute” on your picture from Christmas? I hope he knows you’re not old enough to date!” For someone who didn’t want me to be bullied online, she was making me a MASSIVE target! It’s bad enough I’m a HUGE dork at school. I SO don’t need to be a dork online, with a PSYCHO mom cramping my style!!! I finally convinced her to delete her profile by telling her that 67% of kids whose parents “friend” them on Facebook do poorly on their SATs. (I can’t believe my parents believe this stuff!) I also deleted all the stuff she wrote. I love my mom, but I really hope she’s off there for good! Are any of YOUR parents on Facebook??