December 12, 2013 WHEN YOUR FRIENDS HAVE A FRIEND YOU DON’T KNOW YET This question comes from Evelyn, who writes: My best friend moved to another state a few months ago, and it was very hard for me. After a few months I made new friends who are AMAZING, and I love them so much. But just recently a good friend of theirs came back after a long trip, and it feels like they keep leaving me to go hang out with him. I’d go hang out with all of them, but I’m really shy and I don’t think their friend likes me. What should I do? My Advice: Hi Evelyn! First off, I’m sorry about your BFF moving. When I moved and had to leave MY good friends, I literally felt like I left my right arm in my old city…that’s how much they felt like a part of me! (Luckily, I’m a leftie :)) I can understand why you’d be worried about losing these new friends after going through that. Since you wrote that they’re amazing and you love them, I think it’s a pretty good bet they’re not trying to ditch you! They’re just excited that he’s back from his trip, just like you’d be if your friend moved back to your state. And since I get the sense that YOU’RE amazing too (since you fit right into their amazing group!) it’s unlikely this guy friend of theirs doesn’t like you. It’s more likely he just doesn’t know you. So I think the REAL question here is: how can you get over your shyness so you can be part of all the fun? The good news is: I have the answer! Three answers actually… 1. Next time you think, “Their friend doesn’t like me,” put “yet” on the end… …because OF COURSE he’ll like you when he gets to know you! If you remind yourself of that, it will be easier to relax and be yourself around him. And that means he’ll have fun around you. Stiff, nervous new girl=awkward to hang out with. Easy-going, smiling new girl=super fun insta-friend! 2. When you think, “He’s their friend,” put “and I am too” on the end. So they knew him first…big deal! That doesn’t mean they’re better friends with him than you. You’re just as important to the group as him. If you remember how much they like you, it will be much easier to push yourself to be part of stuff so you can get to know him too. (And that’s just as important as him getting to know you!) 3. Lastly, don’t try…at all! Okay, so I know that probably sounds kind of weird. This goes back to the first idea: you just have to be yourself! That’s literally all you have to do. You don’t have to be super funny or anything. People like people who they feel comfortable around, and people feel comfortable around people who aren’t trying way too hard. So that’s my advice: remember that your friends like you, and their other friend will too if you just show up and be yourself! What do you guys think? Do you have any advice for Evelyn?