Hi Brandon!
Confused in Cleveland
So, this guy in my class who’s really nice to me said that he likes me and wants to hang out with me. But the problem is, I don’t like HIM! But I don’t want to be rude and hurt his feelings. What should I do? Hang out with him and feel uncomfortable or not hang out with him and feel super guilty? Please, please, PLEASE help me out!
Hi Confused in Cleveland!
Thanks for writing to me. I love when I get a question that has a REALLY straightforward answer. Here it is:
Don’t hang out with him. And DON’T feel guilty.
That’s it. My work here is done.
But okay, maybe you want a bit more explanation. So let’s start with this.
- You NEVER owe a boy ANYTHING just because he likes you. Or wants to hang out with you. Or gives you a present. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter HOW nice he is (though I’m glad he’s nice). You never, never owe a boy anything in return for his attentions. NEVER EVER. (This is true in reverse, that boys don’t owe girls anything for their attention, but the twisted way things work out is that girls don’t seem to expect to be owed anything, but a lot of times, boys do. I apologize for that, on behalf of boys.)
- So related to the point above, it’s NOT rude to say no when someone wants to hang out with you. I mean, sure, it depends how you say it. If he says, “Do you want to go see a movie on Saturday?” and your response is “Eeeeewwwwww, GROSS!! I would NEVER want to be seen with you or sit NEXT to you in a movie theater. Leave me ALONE!!!” Well…that would be rude. But if you’re polite, then you have nothing to worry about. In fact, do you know what WOULD be rude? Making a guy think you like him when really you don’t.
- When you DO decide to hang out with someone, you should NOT feel uncomfortable with them. And, if you’re crushing on them, you might feel nervous or self-conscious or like a whole battalion of butterflies is about to explode out of your stomach in a weird reenactment of that old Alien movie. But you should NOT feel uncomfortable. The whole point of having a friend and hanging out is that you WANT to be around them. That when you’re not with them, you can’t wait to hang out again, and when you ARE with them, the time together is awesome! Otherwise, what’s the point?
You sound like a really nice person, and that’s great. I’m not surprised this guy likes you! But nice doesn’t have to mean you let people walk all over you. Stand up for who you are and what you want. In the long run, that’s best for you and everyone around you!
How do you guys handle it when someone’s crushing on you or wants to hang out with you?