October 19, 2016 MY BFF IS A BULLY!!! Dear Nikki, I feel miserable because my BFF is mean to people and wants me and my other friends to be mean, too. Whenever this happens, I say I need to go to the bathroom, and then I just stay in there until it’s all over. I want her to stop, but how do I tell her? I need help ASAP! BFF Of A Bully Oh wow, this is tough. It sounds like your friend IS a bully! And it’s good that you’re not participating in the bullying. But if you know something bad is going to happen, and you don’t do anything about it, are you that much better than the bully? It’s an honest question. I mean, probably a little. But you wouldn’t be hiding if you didn’t know that this is a bad thing that’s going to hurt someone. Let’s think about it another way. If your friends were like, “Let’s burn down the school! Then we wouldn’t have to go!” Would you participate? Of course not. Now, wouldn’t you try to talk them out of it? I hope so. Wouldn’t you tell somebody who could stop them? You definitely wouldn’t hide and act like you didn’t know anything about it. I know you wouldn’t. Because you were thoughtful enough to write in to me, asking for help. You care about what’s right and wrong. You don’t want people to get hurt. But, people are getting hurt because of your friend. And it’s not that you have to be responsible for everyone else. Or, look at it this way—what if someone was doing mean things to you? Wouldn’t you want someone else who knew it was wrong to stand up for you? The way I see it, you have three options when you know someone is going to do something mean. You can stand up to the person before they do it (because it sounds like you know about these things ahead of time). You can try to talk them out of it by telling them what they’re planning to do is wrong. You can distract them with something else. Even if you’re not able to stop them, at least you tried! You can stand by the person being bullied when it happens. This is a good idea if you can’t stop the bullying before it happens, or you don’t know about it in time. If you know the bully, and you’re not worried they’ll hurt you, you could say something like, “That’s not cool!” But if you see something going down with a bully you don’t know, I would suggest ignoring them and stepping in to be a friend to the kid getting bullied. Just say something like, “Hi, I’m Nikki. Want to hang out? We could go to the library (or some other safe place)…” Bullies are generally looking for a confrontation, and you arguing with them will probably just make it worse. If you help their target get out of the situation, the bully will probably get bored and back off. You can tell an adult what’s going to happen. I know this is hard. You must be scared, since your current plan is hiding in the bathroom. But again, imagine if you were the one getting picked on. Or if it was one of your friends, or your little sister. Wouldn’t you want someone to say something? You might even be able to involve a teacher without anyone knowing it was you. But look, hiding in the bathroom shouldn’t even be one of your options. You know that, or you wouldn’t be asking for advice. So consider those three choices and decide what you’re most comfortable with. Then you just have to be brave. I know that’s easier said than done. But, I believe you can do it! Just remember to let your inner dork shine through! How does everyone else handle it when friends are planning something mean?
Rotterdam says November 5, 2016 at 9:56 pm I had a friend like that I stood up to her stood by the girl who was getting picked on and told the teacher. I mean it was scary when I was doing it but you will like a invisible hero doing good for everyone.
ithinkso says November 5, 2016 at 9:40 pm U should not be friends with someone who is like this. U need to stand up to her and tell her to stop being mean. If she stop, u can still be friends. If she don’t please just be friends with someone who is worth it and who is kind to people.
Problem solver girl says November 5, 2016 at 6:20 pm I used to have a friend that bullied people but then I sat down with her at lunch and had a little chat with her to explain what she was doing was wrong and that it hurt my feelings and all my other friends feelings. After about a week, she let what I told her sink in and then she stopped bullying. Now at school I have a healthy and strong friendship with all of my friends! Hope that helped! 🙂
Mano billi says November 5, 2016 at 4:58 pm I think u should say her to stop bully because after some years she will be mean to u
Dorky TACO! says November 5, 2016 at 11:05 am I’ve experienced that before…one of my friends were bulling another person..but I stood up and I’m like “She’s cool ok! She’s one of my friends!!” <3
Friendless in Ohio says November 5, 2016 at 10:47 am Dear Nikki, My friend is acting like she’s all that. She always playing with my other friends. How do I end this?
Anonymous says November 5, 2016 at 5:31 am Wow having a BFF who is a bully must be tough. I can see why you would like to be away from the situation rather than be involved. Yes standing up for the person being bullied is great, but you don’t want to loose your BFF either. The way I see it, you have to do what you think is best, even if it means loosing your friend. Follow Nikki’s advice and I’m sure it will be fine.
Dorkalisious says November 4, 2016 at 11:15 pm Well I just stopped playing with my ‘ best friend ‘ because she is the biggest bully I’veEVER known and a major drama queen. Just dont be her friend
Wow says November 4, 2016 at 9:17 pm That sounds like a serious problem nobody should ever bully but unfortunately there are people like that
BFF Mad says November 4, 2016 at 8:20 pm I reckon you should go with option 2 or 3 and maybe even 1 as long as you don’t hide in the bathroom. I would hate to have a friend like that. I feel for you
Anonymous says November 4, 2016 at 3:45 pm OMG!!! Not to insult your BFF but bullies are dumb, terrible people. If she is doing this because she is insecure maybe she’s not really a bully and she can be a nice,decent person again but if not just break up the friendship and stand up to those bullied by her!!
why? says November 4, 2016 at 3:33 pm I have the same problem. but we can be laughing and friends in about a minute!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Problem Solcer says November 4, 2016 at 1:58 pm Talk to a teacher, a responsible adult or your parents about it, if you feel shy, write it in a diary or journal.
dorkableboss says November 4, 2016 at 11:59 am talk to her . if she does not listen and makes fun of you she is not a friend at all
Happy dork says November 4, 2016 at 8:50 am Same problem!!!My BFF also like to bully someone even they did not do anything wrong.But the worst is that,she also FORCE me to bully someone too,or else she will not be my friend.Nikki,what should I do???
Derpy and Quirky says November 4, 2016 at 6:49 am Oh gawd yeah I’ve already had about 3 of those things. I’m not even a teen yet and some of my friends are encouraging to swear. I wish that would stop like, just at LEAST for a day! I wish i was lucky Like BFF of a bully! She only gets like I guess, one. Welp. They don’t do it often now. just after school when we wait for our after school program to start. Anyone else like me?
TheAdviceGirl says November 3, 2016 at 10:08 pm It’s pretty simple I know you probably won’t like to hear this but you should tell the teacher most of the time they don’t say who told who and if you still don’t feel trust worthy just say: ”hey um Jenny is being mean to some of the classmates” (just pretend her name is Jenny) ”But please don’t tell her I told you because we are actually good friends” and the teacher probably won’t tell
jumak dotson says November 3, 2016 at 6:49 pm how do you make your bff too stop telling lies like she comes from the same country.
Cute Dork 100 says November 3, 2016 at 6:39 pm Dear BFF of a Bully, I think you should stand up to your so called ” BFF” and tell her to back off when she’s being mean to some innocent girl who did nothing wrong.
Don't Worry says November 3, 2016 at 6:04 pm It happens and I can relate. I used to have this friend who was bossy and rude to others and would expect me to chime in. Please make sure you are not being rude. Stand up for that person and try to push away from the bully. You can do it!!!!
Shootingstar04 says November 3, 2016 at 4:48 pm If she is your real friend she won’t be mean. So maybe she is not a real friend