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May 3, 2017

MY BFF IS JEALOUS AND CLINGY!!!

Ask Nikki - May 3rd - Dork Diaries

Hey, Nikki! I have a serious problem. My friend and I have been besties since elementary school. But now we’re in middle school, and whenever I’m around my NEW friends, she glares at them and tries to pull me away from them. It’s like she’s trying to hog me all to herself! I hate it because I feel like I’m forced to hang out with her. And because of that, I don’t really want to be friends anymore. Help!

Bothered By Bestie Blues

Dear Bothered By Bestie Blues,

Ok. So, starting middle school can be really exciting! A big part of it is a chance to meet all sorts of people and make new friends. New friends are awesome!! But, it’s not unusual for new friends to cause some problems with old ones, and it sounds like that’s the case here.

The good news is, your BFF obviously cherishes your friendship. She’s scared she’s going to lose you to these new, shiny friends. Maybe the transition to middle school has NOT been so awesome for her. There are A LOT of changes! And, maybe she wishes that at least her friendships weren’t changing.

I’m not saying you should ignore your new friends and let your BFF drag you away whenever she’s feeling insecure. It looks like her behavior is hurting your friendship, not your new friends. You find her behavior annoying, and that’s probably making her cling even tighter, which makes you even more annoyed…it’s a vicious cycle!!

So, I think you need to have a heart to heart talk with your BFF. It shouldn’t be at school or with your new friends anywhere nearby. Have her over and do something fun you guys usually do together. Make sure she knows you’re still friends. (Hopefully being away from the new friends will make her less clingy, and you’ll be less annoyed!)

Then, talk to her about how you’ve noticed she doesn’t seem too thrilled that you’ve made some new friends. Explain how much she means to you, but that you can still be BFFs AND have new friends. Tell her that you want her to make more friends, too! The more, the merrier. I mean, honestly–both of you will feel pretty lonely if it’s just the two of you all the way through middle school!

Does she know your new friends? Would she like to? Maybe she’s shy and doesn’t feel comfortable hanging out with them. Maybe you could help her out! Invite a group of your new friends over, and introduce her to them. Or, invite her to sit with all of you at lunch and make sure she’s included in the conversation.

If she dislikes your new friends—beyond just being jealous and afraid they’re going to steal you away—that’s a little trickier. You might have to gently tell her that you still want to be her friend, but you’re also not going to drop these other friends. You could set a specific time to guarantee you’ll spend time together—like a certain day of the week when you’ll have lunch with her, or weekend hang out time or whatever. You could also encourage her to try making some new friends that she does click with, not to replace you, but just to help her feel better. If she has more friends, she won’t feel so insecure about losing you.

I hope that helps! You should be able to stay friends AND make new ones. The Girl Scouts sing this camp song that says, “Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other gold.” It’s kind of cheesy, but it’s totally true!!! 🙂

How do you deal with a clingy friend? Have you ever felt like you were losing a friend?

Category: Ask Nikki Tags: BFFnikki

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Comments

  1. BFF Syndrome says

    May 17, 2017 at 6:45 am

    Almost the same thing for me.She’s just jealous beause I’m the Queen Bee! Although I’m not really mean.

  2. Athletic dork says

    May 17, 2017 at 6:39 am

    I feel you to. My “EX. BFF” Did the same, all because I’m better than her at Badminton!

  3. Kitty Cat Crazy says

    May 17, 2017 at 4:03 am

    I deal with it by telling her the truth about how I feel….. Don’t worry!

  4. Just saying says

    May 17, 2017 at 12:44 am

    Hey! Your acttualy kinda lucky, some people like me just don’t have friends! So, you can try and make your bff and new friends get along a bit then she won’t be Clingy cause your friends are hers too! And she won’t be jealous ethier cause she’ll have the same amount of friends as you, but, if she won’t coaparate then maybe you should break it up with her!

    Hey! I’m “just saying”

  5. Bubbley bubbleisha says

    May 16, 2017 at 7:00 pm

    You should ask an adult suppose your parents 🙂

  6. Boyfriend issues says

    May 16, 2017 at 5:54 pm

    Hi nikki I have a real problem I cant choose a boyfriend I love 6 bit I cant choose.HELP!

  7. CJ wants to help says

    May 16, 2017 at 5:52 pm

    I’m the clingy and jealous friend. From my own experience, she is probably just wanting to spend more time with you and she wants to be your BFF. She could be scared that someone new might steal you from her. I hope this advice helps.

  8. Sad BFF says

    May 16, 2017 at 5:04 pm

    OMG i think thats me :{

  9. Jaythevay222 says

    May 15, 2017 at 11:30 pm

    I know how this feels because I was a clingy friend once, and once I realized it, it was too late. So you should tell your friend calmly, that you don’t want her to be like that and that you can have as many friends as you can. Hopefully she listens, my friend did that to me and I felt bad, but that was like in 3rd or 4th grade or something, but, anyhwhoo, just tell her in a way that doesn’t loose your friendship with her.

  10. Sparkling star : 3 ^-^ says

    May 15, 2017 at 8:58 pm

    being jealous is naturally for people. Why don’t you both talk about it over 1). Hot tea 2). Bubble tea 3).her favorite drink. You’re probably going to chose #3. Well, Just talk about it, ‘kay?

  11. DORK FOREVER♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡ says

    May 15, 2017 at 5:37 pm

    I hats to say this but I am a clinging friend. She dumped me

  12. DorkyDani says

    May 15, 2017 at 5:33 pm

    Bothered By Bestie Blues, My friend [who is now my enemy] is doing that. I try to talk to my other friends, but she pulls my friends away from me and has been doing RUDE things to me and nice things to them.

  13. copyed friend says

    May 15, 2017 at 5:21 pm

    my friend did that to don’t worrie

  14. POLLY WANNA PHONE REALY BADLY says

    May 15, 2017 at 9:02 am

    I GIVE YOU MY SYMPATHY

  15. Dorky says

    May 15, 2017 at 8:50 am

    I felt like I was losing a friend awhile back because she wouldn’t take to me.I felt so lonely! She was always talk to her other friends. But now, I’m friends with her friends and I don’t feel lonely anymore!

  16. angelcat6 says

    May 14, 2017 at 11:19 pm

    It just shows that you really care about your friend and don’t want to lose her, so tell her that. Tell her how important she is. Say how you feel. I think you’re scared she’s going to dump you. If you tell her how you feel, she can remind you that she will always be your friend.

  17. Rainbow Latte says

    May 14, 2017 at 10:52 pm

    I hope you can figure it out!

  18. Unicorn says

    May 14, 2017 at 10:50 pm

    Oh. I was like the new friends here. A girl just kept pulling my bestie out and playing a one on one with her. We’ve got it all figured out now. So YAY!

  19. Soda41 says

    May 14, 2017 at 9:33 pm

    OMG!! MY BESTFRIEND DOES THAT 24/7!

  20. Dork that's crushing says

    May 14, 2017 at 8:10 pm

    Hey Nikki!I have a crush problem!I really like this cute guy at school,he’s noticed me a few times but looks away.I also think he likes one of my other friends!Please help!

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