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June 10, 2017

WHY DOES THIS GIRL ALWAYS COMPETE WITH ME??

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Dear Brandon,

There’s this girl who ALWAYS tries to compete with me in everything I do. She tries to have the best handwriting, tries to be the best in physical education, and tries to be the most popular at lunch. In every project, she’s constantly spying on me, and sometimes I’m afraid that she might start stealing my ideas! I seriously need some advice on how to deal with her. Can you please help me?

Constant Competition

Hey Constant Competition,

That definitely sounds frustrating.

It makes me think of this thing my grandma says: “Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.” It means that when someone copies you, it’s because they admire what you’ve done and want to do something similar. I think it’s the same with competing. If she’s targeting you, it must be because she thinks you’re the best and she wants to prove she’s as good (or better) at whatever you do.

But I TOTALLY get that, while it might be a kind of a compliment, it’s also SUPER annoying.

From part of what you said, though, I wonder if she’s competing with YOU or if she’s just really obsessed with being the best. Like, trying to have the best handwriting, or be the best in PE, or be the most popular at lunch don’t sound like direct competitions with you, personally. They just sound like she’s a high-achieving kind of person. And maybe kind of insecure? That can still be annoying, but it’s not targeted at YOU.

If it’s just how she is, there’s really nothing you can do about that. I mean, this is generally good advice for most situations: you can’t change how she’s acting. You can only change how you react to it.

If you have confidence in yourself, and you’re comfortable with the fact that you’re good at some things and not so good at others, then it shouldn’t really make much difference to you how she ties herself up in knots trying to be the best.

Now, maybe she IS targeting you for competition. If so, I’m guessing there’s some sort of reason for it. Not that you’re to BLAME. It could be anything. You beat her in the third-grade spelling bee and she’s been out to prove herself ever since. Or her crush had a crush on you. Or whatever. You might not ever find out the reason.

As for spying on you in projects and stealing your ideas, that’s the worst. It definitely falls under the category of my grandma’s saying. She wouldn’t be trying to steal your ideas if she didn’t think your ideas were good. So, it’s a compliment. But YOU want credit for your ideas. I get that. And this is a tricky one because sometimes the answer might be to involve your teacher, but you don’t want to tattle.

Think about it this way. Even if she DOES steal your ideas, they were YOUR ideas. Which means you will do a much better job on the project, even if she tries to do the same thing. Teachers notice when it happens. And they’ll see how unique your own approach is. So it might be difficult, but it might help if you think, “Sure, steal my ideas! Bring it on! May the best person win!” Have confidence in the awesomeness of your ideas, and your unique ability to use them.

I think you basically have two options. You can work on not letting her behavior bother you. Try to ignore the stuff that’s annoying you now. OR you could try to befriend her. If she’s targeting you to compete with, it’s because she actually admires you in a twisted kind of way. And if you become friends, you can just combine your awesomeness!

How do you handle someone who’s always competing with you? What about someone who steals your ideas?

Category: Ask Brandon nikki

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Comments

  1. Smart and zapped says

    June 24, 2017 at 8:09 am

    This happens to me all the time thanks for the advice

  2. Cut out the copy cat! says

    June 23, 2017 at 9:33 pm

    Hey! I have a girl that copies everything I do, every joke I say, every unique hobby I have, and even my drawings at one point. 2 people have called her out on it so far. Everyone else loves her and she’s far more popular than me so no one else really cares. She ignores me and says mean stuff to me at school, then asks to hang out. I say copy cats are an automatic cut out (of your life)!! I’m gonna hang out with her one last time, get things sorted out, and give her a taste of her own medicine. I’ll ignore her. I won’t necessarily be rude back though, that of course is never the answer. If she starts being nice, doing different stuff, and stop lying (did I mention she is a pathological liar?) maybe we’ll be friends again. That’s my plan at least. Hope this helped for you even thought it was mostly me ranting XD

  3. Bruh_Itz_Asia says

    June 23, 2017 at 7:54 pm

    Yes Brandon! You are right! And yes, its SUPER annoying. If she is copying you, maybe it means she likes what you do so much, she wants to do or be just like you. But don`t sweat it, everything will get better!!:)

  4. Nerdy Girl says

    June 23, 2017 at 5:41 pm

    THAT HAPPENS TO ME AND MY SO-CALLED BFF

  5. #DorkyGirl says

    June 23, 2017 at 7:03 am

    Yeah, she might want everyone to think she’s better than you.

  6. KittyCat says

    June 22, 2017 at 7:04 pm

    She probably just admires you. Lots of people try to compete with people they admire.

    • Nerdy Girl says

      June 23, 2017 at 5:42 pm

      True….

  7. Pixel_Bangtan_Girl says

    June 22, 2017 at 3:24 pm

    That’s VERY annoying, but someone’s copying you means that they admire you and want to be just as good as you, your excellent personality, etc.

  8. FireFox says

    June 22, 2017 at 2:14 pm

    Just ignore her, be yourself, and just concentrate on what you are doing ok?

  9. HaL, siat, K says

    June 21, 2017 at 11:31 pm

    Ignore her. Maybe she is just admiring you so much she wants to look like you.

  10. Cutiepie says

    June 21, 2017 at 6:23 am

    Don’t worry about the ‘Copycat’!!!!
    Just do the best that you can do!!!! 😉
    It’s probably because she is jealous of your awesomeness!!!!!!!!
    🙂

    • #BigDorkyGirl says

      June 23, 2017 at 7:05 am

      You are definitely right!!!!!!!!!

  11. HaL,siat,K says

    June 19, 2017 at 7:55 pm

    I know how u feel, Constant Competition! There is this nice girl in my social studies class who loved my artwork and tried to copy me. It got kinda annoying. But I was about to tell her to stop, she just stopped without me telling her! Now we r very good friends.

  12. Random and Unknown says

    June 18, 2017 at 2:17 pm

    I wonder if she will change over time. Don’t you worry, because you aren’t doing anything wrong.

  13. KateKat says

    June 17, 2017 at 8:00 pm

    Be Calm

    • FireFox says

      June 22, 2017 at 2:15 pm

      yes I agree

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