December 20, 2017 HOW DO I TELL MY FRIEND SHE’S BOSSY? Hey Nikki. My friend and I just came back from a big school field trip. On the way there, she hogged our whole conversation, and she hardly listened to me. Then on the bus ride home, she decided where we’d have our Christmas party without asking me what I thought. I really wanna tell her how frustrated I am, but I’m scared she won’t wanna be friends anymore or she’ll yell at me! What should I do?! Bewildered Bestie Hi Bewildered Bestie, Yikes! That sounds super hard. I’m SO sorry you’re in this frustrating situation. I’m guessing that one reason why you like this friend is because of her big, take-charge personality. Friends like her can be lots of fun, and draw tons people to them. But it’s frustrating when they take charge of EVERYTHING and you don’t feel heard! ☹ She probably doesn’t realize she’s overlooking you. That totally doesn’t make it okay. But, she still might need a gentle reminder that she should tone it down a bit in the “bossy” department. She might think you don’t like making decisions or that you don’t have opinions and that she’s being helpful. So, it’s time to SPEAK UP! Now, I wouldn’t make a big stink over all the past decisions she forced you to agree with. There’s no way to turn back time and undo them (unless you have a time machine). But I do think you can tell her that sometimes you feel like she’s not listening to you, and that you’d like to offer your opinion for once. As long as you’re not mean about it, she shouldn’t yell at you or stop being your friend. But you DO have to be clear and honest, or she might not take you seriously. She might feel a bit defensive, but that’s why you need to say it nicely. Like, let her know how much her friendship means to you, but that you just want to make sure your opinion matters to her, and you want some input on the activities and stuff you do together! If she IS so defensive that she stops being your friend…well, then she was a not-so-great friend to begin with! I’m sorry, but it’s TRUE. But if she has a big, pushy personality, she’s probably at least a little aware of it. And hopefully she’ll want to make an effort to keep you as a friend. She just might need gentle reminders from time to time. That’s where YOU come in! If she’s open to it, maybe you guys could come up with a code word you can use when she’s dominating everything and not listening. Something totally ridiculous you wouldn’t normally say in a conversation, like… “hippopotamus” or “twinkle toes!” And then, when she’s on a roll deciding EVERYTHING, just say, “Twinkle toes!” It’s a code for her to pause and listen to YOUR thoughts and opinions. This only works if she WANTS to change her behavior, though. If girlfriend DOESN’T want to change her behavior, you have to decide whether or not you can live with it. Because the only person whose behavior you really have control over is YOUR OWN. So, start by speaking up for yourself! Fingers crossed she hears you out!! 🙂 Hey guys, how do you handle it when a friend doesn’t listen? Do you have any quiet friends who might need you to pay more attention to? Tell us in the comments!
Dorks Rock! says January 3, 2018 at 7:12 am Yeah my friend is super duper bossy but I guess some people have to Get over it
Once bossy BFF says January 2, 2018 at 7:25 pm Sometimes I was the bossy one luckily my BFF told me I changed my behaviour and now we both get a say in things
kittycatmeow says January 2, 2018 at 7:24 pm WOW! I used to be that bossy kid. I am just saying this. It may be the wrong hypothesis on her behavior, but: I was bossy to my friend because I didn’t like her at all. She was annoying and kept on following me no matter how many millions of hints I gave her that she should leave me alone. So one day, I got an idea to be mean and bossy so SHE would leave me. Maybe your friend feels like you can be annoying sometimes. I don’t know and best of luck. Hope things go better!
Anonymous says January 2, 2018 at 4:37 pm Omg there’s a girl that does the same thing to me but don’t worry I’m sure you have ALOT more friends that will appreciate you
L̥ͦo̥ͦl̥ͦl̥ͦi̥ͦn̥ͦg̥ͦ p̥ͦo̥ͦp̥ͦ 101 says January 1, 2018 at 6:45 pm W̥ͦe̥ͦl̥ͦl̥ͦ I̥ͦ q̥ͦu̥ͦi̥ͦc̥ͦk̥ͦl̥ͦy̥ͦ i̥ͦn̥ͦt̥ͦe̥ͦr̥ͦr̥ͦu̥ͦp̥ͦt̥ͦ t̥ͦh̥ͦe̥ͦm̥ͦ ḁͦn̥ͦd̥ͦ t̥ͦh̥ͦe̥ͦn̥ͦ I̥ͦ s̥ͦḁͦy̥ͦ w̥ͦh̥ͦḁͦt̥ͦ I̥ͦ w̥ͦḁͦn̥ͦt̥ͦ t̥ͦo̥ͦ s̥ͦḁͦy̥ͦ
I love Firestar :3 says January 1, 2018 at 11:46 am Find a private place where you can talk to her and tell her. Like, don’t do it at school or at a club or anywhere else. If you do it in private where only the two of you can hear your conversation, she’ll be less likely to overreact or ditch your friendship, and others won’t hear your conversations and start rumors about you two. She will also be more open with you if nobody’s around. But if you do it in public, there are more chances she will yell at you and/or be overdramatic when people overhear your conversation. It will also upset her much more if you just straight up tell her she’s bossy in front of a crowd. So find a place (your house, her house, or anywhere the two of you can be alone) to talk to her privately. Also, be careful on how you tell her. Don’t accuse her of anything and don’t try to make her feel bad about it. Tell her kindly and calmly that you feel like she can be too bossy. And also offer advice on how to stop. And, like the example above, if she’s making plans for you two without confiding with you, don’t be afraid to tell her that she needs to confide in you before she makes plans. And don’t be afraid to share your plans and ideas with her. Good luck 🙂
12 For Ever!!! says December 31, 2017 at 8:11 pm I kind of have that personality, outgoing, talkative, likes to make decisions, but I’ve actually found that with myself and other people with the same personality as me that we don’t like to upset people (ESPECIALLY not FRIENDS), so I am 99.9% sure that she probably didn’t realize that she wasn’t letting you speak, and so she’ll most likely not be super defensive, and be willing to try to change her behavior. Great advise Nikki!
Mean Girl says January 1, 2018 at 8:07 am You are right. Nikki gives people good advice all right. No one should say no to it.
Rosebud says December 31, 2017 at 6:00 pm Well we all makes mistakes. When ur becoming a friend u learn new things on how to become a better friend. I would say tat u should go and talk to her privately and don’t yell at her or anything. Or a least don’t raise ur voice and such. After tat hug it out!!