Hey Nikki! There’s this girl at my school who’s a lot like MacKenzie. She’s pretty, stylish, has lots of friends, and makes fun of other people. But lately, she’s been feeling really upset. I want to help her, but I have NO IDEA how. I really need some advice!
Saddened By Sulking CCP
Hi Saddened By Sulking CCP,
OMG. You are SO NICE!! 🙂
I totally get what you’re saying. After Mackenzie stole my diary and I read what her life is like, I did kind of feel sorry for her. I couldn’t help but think that maybe if her life weren’t so messed up, she wouldn’t be so…Mackenzie-like!
I think a LOT of the time, bullies are really sad, scared, or insecure. They could even be all three. They tear other people down to build themselves up. It takes a pretty messed up person to tear someone else down in order to feel good. You’re being very kind to want to help a CCP who acts like that.
Unfortunately, you can’t change whatever is making her unhappy. But you can maybe bring some kindness into her life! The thing is, you don’t want to look like you’re trying to suck up to the school CCP/bully. That would probably just feed her need for power, and then she’d enjoy tearing you down. So I think the key is to try to do nice things for her when she won’t even know where it came from, so it’s not about you at all. It’s just about someone reaching out to her and showing selfless acts of kindness.
For example, you could leave anonymous notes in her locker – just happy things like, “Hope you’re having a great day!” Or maybe specific compliments, but I wouldn’t make them about appearance. You don’t want it to seem like a secret admirer trying to butter her up. I would make them about things she accomplishes—like if she’s good at PE, does well in a certain subject, or nails her performance in a talent show, etc.
It doesn’t all have to be completely anonymous. You can smile at her and say kind things. Just be prepared for her to ignore you, or worse, make you a target. If you can handle being a target, and still respond with kindness, that might make an impression!
Also, the reason that this CCP is sad could be bigger than we think. Mackenzie, for example, doesn’t have the greatest family life. The cynical side of me thinks one kind, encouraging person is not going to be enough to undo all the bad things that make her how she is.
BUT, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try! It just means you shouldn’t expect too much AND you should know that you can’t change who she is. But maybe you could brighten her day. And there’s no way to know what kind of impact that might have until you try.