March 4, 2018 AM I TWO-FACED?? Hey Brandon! With one group of my friends, I like doing daring stuff and reading scary stories. But with another group of friends, they are so chicken and don’t like daring stuff or scary stories (they think that “baby books” are fun). I try not to judge so that I can fit in with both groups. But I feel like I’m lying to one in order to be cool to the other. Help! Two-Faced Hey Two-Faced, Look. If it helps, I don’t think you’re two-faced if you have two groups of friends and you do different stuff with each group. You’d only be two-faced if you presented yourself one way, but then you acted another way around other people. Like if you gossiped with the group who likes scary stories about the other group and acted like you’re not friends with them. Or if you said to the non-scary group, “OMG, I totally hate scary stories!” but then you enjoy them with the other group. That would be two-faced. What worries me, though, is that you call the one group “chicken” and say they like “baby books.” I kind of wonder why you’re still friends with them, because it sounds like you don’t respect them a lot. Maybe you’ve grown apart. That’s totally normal and okay. It can be hard, but it would be better to stop hanging out with them than to hang out with them while judging them. Because you said you don’t mean to judge, but…your letter sounds a little bit judgemental, to be honest. There’s nothing wrong with being into scary stories…and nothing wrong with disliking them. And if someone dislikes them, it’s cool that they know their limits and don’t just go along with scary stuff and then deal with nightmares or something later. It’s not about maturity. There are adults who don’t like scary stuff either. It’s just personality types. And as for “baby books” – I’m sure you don’t mean actual baby books, like board books or whatever. You probably just mean books you think are for a younger level than you are. Nikki and I both get a lot of emails asking things like “Is it okay for me to like this show/book/toy? Because I worry I’m too old for it!” And the thing is, people should enjoy what they enjoy! If you don’t enjoy the same things that one group of friends enjoys, that’s cool. People enjoy different things. But don’t pretend to be into something you’re not. AND don’t judge other people for what they’re into. So if you’re still friends with that group because you actually like the people, then try to let go of the judgment about the things they’re into. But if you’ve grown apart from them, be honest about that. It might just be time to move on. It doesn’t mean you have to cut off contact with those friends. You might just start spending more time with the other group of friends. Wherever you are, you don’t have to act like someone you’re not to fit in. Be true to yourself—and that might mean expressing one side of yourself with one group, and one side with another. Hey readers, do you act differently with different groups of friends? Does it make you feel two-faced? Tell us about it in the comments.
Noideawhattopickgirl says March 17, 2018 at 6:45 am Same, I am in the nerds group with people in the chess club, and they are moaning over Stephen Hawking’s death that happened a few days ago. But I am also with the CCPs group, and all day long my CCP friends flirt with guys and talk about their crushes, and all that stuff, my two groups of friends dress totally different, like they nerds wear ties and glasses and formal clothes and my other friends wear crop tops, and heels, and make up, I totally have no idea which group I like better so I just hang out with both.✌️
Jealousy Queen says March 16, 2018 at 5:19 pm I completely relate. My friend groups are about the same. They are both popular, one more popular than the other. One of them wears teenage clothes, like crop tops and stuff. They are both equally fashionable! The other is more high-end. But, that friend group is super competitive and in Nationals. My other friend group is equally as competitive and in provincials. But, the main difference is that I’m super popular with my friends in the gifted program.
Dorkalicious326 says March 13, 2018 at 10:45 pm I agree with Brandon. I have one group of friends who honestly don’t really care about their grades, and they spend most of their time on their phones. My other group of friends are quiet and funny, and we have our own sense of humor. I’ve grown apart from my other friends, and I honestly don’t know why. They don’t seem to care, but for some reason, I still do. But to be honest, I think I’m better off where I am right now because my quiet and funny friends don’t pressure me or put me on the spot, they allow me to be whoever I want to be and they accept that. I learned that people will move on, even when you’re not ready to.
FriendlyFemale101 says March 12, 2018 at 5:51 am I guess its works on how you define ‘Two-Faced’. I have the same problem, bud. Great advice , Brandon!
Cake666 says March 11, 2018 at 3:00 pm Hey, I’m a tomboy. It’s hard sometimes being friends with guys and girls, cause everyone thinks that you have a crush on your close guy friends. (I do like one of them, and he likes me back). It’s totally cool because my bff doesn’t know the nba while my friends that are guys love the nba.