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June 27, 2018

MY FRIENDS ARE GOSSIPING ABOUT MY OTHER FRIEND!

Dear Nikki,
My friends and I have always been very close, but my two best friends have been gossiping about one of our guy BFFs behind his back. He loves sports, and they don’t like sporty guys. They also say that he’s not very cute. I’m afraid of telling him, because I’m worried that it will hurt his feelings! What should I do? Should I tell my friends to stop, or tell him what’s happening?Thanks,

Baffled By Backstabbing BFFs

Hi Baffled By Backstabbing BFFs,

Oh boy, being stuck between friends is SO tough! And this is weird, because it’s not like your friends are in a fight. But YOU know that some of your friends aren’t being cool about your other friend.

I thought about this one for a while, because it’s such a difficult situation. I can understand why you’d consider telling him. I bet it feels like you’re not being a loyal friend to him if you just stand by while they badmouth him.

As I was thinking about this, I remembered something random. My kindergarten teacher had this sign in her classroom that I have never forgotten. It said, “Before you speak, THINK” and then THINK was written up and down like an acronym where each letter stands for one word, right? And it went like this:

Is it True?
Is it Helpful?
Is it Inspiring?
Is it Necessary?
Is it Kind?

It’s totally cheesy, but I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought about something I wanted to say, and put it through this test and avoided putting my giant foot in my mouth!!! (Thanks, Mrs. Darcy! Between the finger painting and this lesson, you were a pretty great kindergarten teacher!) I can’t claim I always follow this, because sometimes stuff just comes out of our mouths, right? But this sounds like a case where you ARE thinking about what to say, so it’s a perfect time to run the situation through this test.

So yeah, it’s true that your friends are badmouthing this other friend. But telling him is probably not helpful, inspiring, or kind. The only one I think you could consider is necessary. If there’s some reason he needs to know this. But…I can’t imagine what that could be.

The fact is, telling him would probably just hurt him. 🙁

So I think the better way to deal with it is to talk to the badmouthing friends. Tell them to knock it off. Ask how they’d feel if they knew he was talking about them behind their backs. Hopefully they’ll realize what they’re doing and stop.

If not, maybe you walk away any time they’re badmouthing him (or anyone)—not as like a punishment, but just because you’re not willing to be a part of it. Hopefully they’ll come around.

He’s really lucky to have you as a friend. And they are too—we all need friends to call us out sometimes!

How do you handle it if friends are badmouthing other friends? Tell us in the comments!

Category: Ask Nikki Tags: friends, gossipnikki

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Comments

  1. Anonymous says

    July 12, 2018 at 9:59 pm

    Hey! I know how you feel… it’s hard but we just gotta get through it. Tbh it happens with me and my friend she also talks mean stuff about people and then she pretends like she’s likes them. It makes me think what if she sad that stuff about me? But we just gotta ignore it ❤️ And hope for the best!

  2. KITTYQUEEN says

    July 12, 2018 at 12:17 pm

    I think you should do both! He needs to know about this!

  3. dorky is my MIDDLE name! says

    July 12, 2018 at 3:47 am

    i would tell them to stop but if keep on continuing i would tell him…
    then i don’t know
    i would just do the RIGHT thing!

    listen to your heart!

  4. Hope it Gets Better! says

    July 11, 2018 at 10:52 pm

    I think the best thing you can do is just politely tell your two friends how you don’t like how they’re talking about your other friend. If they’re really your friends, they’ll understand and hopefully want to stop.

  5. youcandoit! says

    July 11, 2018 at 7:14 pm

    I think you should tell him, Even though it might hurt his feelings a bit.

  6. youcandoit! says

    July 11, 2018 at 7:12 pm

    I really think you should tell him even though you might hurt his feelings. Go for it!

  7. Advice Dork says

    July 11, 2018 at 11:08 am

    Just tell them that it’s not kind to say stuff like that and remind them every person is special.

    Love,
    Advice Dork

  8. Anonymous says

    July 11, 2018 at 8:15 am

    I probably wouldn’t tell him unless you feel like you really need to

  9. CCP girl says

    July 11, 2018 at 5:59 am

    I gossip a bit,but not something mean.

  10. Caprisun.o says

    July 10, 2018 at 2:46 pm

    Even though it’s good to tell the truth, sometimes it can hurt others. I’ve been talked about like that behind my back and it really does hurt. I think you should tell your other friends to stop talking about him like that and if someone was talking about your other friends like that, it would probably hurt. Maybe try ignoring them a little after and have them realize what they did?? I’m not sure, but this is what I do if one of my friends is talking about my other friend like that.

  11. Dorky days says

    July 10, 2018 at 10:29 am

    Sometimes I gossip sometimes I don’t

  12. Girlsrule says

    July 10, 2018 at 1:38 am

    Just tell him, its the right hing to do.

    • Dirtiest dork in the dorkiest says

      July 12, 2018 at 8:02 pm

      If u tell him,then it would hurt his feelings and u don’t wanna do that. 🙁

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