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Dork Diaries Book 14

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Salon Brianna

July 8, 2018

HELP! HOW DO I HELP SOMEONE BEING BULLIED?!

Dear Brandon,

There’s a girl at my school who’s Muslim and wears a hijab (like a head scarf). Other kids think it’s funny, so they tease her and try to snatch it off her head. Not only is it just plain rude, but she keeps it on for religious reasons. I want to help her, but what should I do?

Battling Bullies

Hey Battling Bullies,

Okay. To help me answer this question, I talked to this lady named Aafiyah, an awesome photographer who teaches photography workshops at the community center. She wears a hijab, and she talked to me a little bit about what it means, how she’d feel in this situation, and how a non-Muslim should respond.

So like you said, Muslim women wear the hijab for religious and cultural reasons. Their scriptures and ancient texts instruct women to cover their heads when they are around men who are not family members. So basically, any time they are out in public. Just like there are different sorts of Christians, there are different sorts of Muslims, and how they interpret these scriptures can vary. So some might wear a scarf that loosely covers their head, but wear modern clothes. Some wear a turban. Some cover almost everything except their eyes. (And some don’t wear a hijab at all, but are still Muslims. It’s a personal decision.)

Aafiyah also pointed out that there are some forms of Christianity and Judaism where the women keep their heads covered. I didn’t realize that.

Wearing a hijab doesn’t limit Muslim women in what they can do. Some awesome hijabis include Eqyptian Olympic volleyball players Doaa Elghobashy and Nada Meawad, US Olympic fencer Ibtihaj Muhammad, ballerina Stephanie Kurlow, figure skater Zahra Lari (who appears in a Nike ad), television news reporter Noor Tagouri, Minnesota state representative Ilhan Omar, Great British Bake-Off winner Nadiya Hussain, YouTuber and fashion blogger Shahd Batal, NY civil court judge Carolyn Walker Diallo, Somali-British poet Warsan Shire, and YA author Tahereh Mafi.

So what does this have to do with what you asked? Well, I figure people have a hard time with stuff they don’t understand. So I thought it might help people to understand a bit about WHY they might see girls at school wearing a hijab. (And most start to wear it around when puberty hits, so you might see girls you knew in elementary school start to wear a hijab in middle school.)

You said kids at school are trying to pull off this girl’s hijab. When I talked to Aafiyah about that, she got really upset. She said that isn’t just something kids do—racists will attack grown Muslim women in the same way. And it IS an attack. Kids might act like it’s “funny” but it’s a form of bullying as serious as any other physical attacks. In fact, to a Muslim woman who chooses to wear a hijab, her hair is a private part just like the ones you consider private parts. So yanking off someone’s hijab is like yanking their pants down.

So first, if you have the confidence to speak up and tell them to knock it off, that would be excellent. If you don’t, that’s okay. It’s not always a good idea to confront bullies. But here’s what you could do: When you see kids starting to bug her, ignore them, but approach her and talk to her about something totally everyday. Like, ask if she knows what the English homework is. Or tell her you like her shoes and ask where she got them. The idea is to give her something to talk to you about that’s totally boring but shows the bullies she’s not alone and therefore not such an easy target. Hopefully you guys can just walk away from the bullies together before things get bad.

And then you should tell a teacher, if she is comfortable with that. Like I said, pulling a hijab is a form of bullying, and most schools have anti-bullying policies, so they should treat it that way.

As for what you should tell HER, which is what you asked, Aafiyah says the main thing is letting her know you support her and you’re sorry this is happening, and you want to be her friend, not because you feel sorry for her, but because she’s an interesting, good person, and because the way people are treating her is not cool. And then ask her if there’s anything she needs from you.

I think it’s great that you’re noticing this as a problem. Now I want to encourage you to go a step further and try to help the other kids at your school realize this is NOT okay, AND help this girl know she is not alone.

Have you ever stood up for someone who’s being bullied? How did it go? Is there anything you would do differently? Or if you’ve been bullied, what do you wish bystanders would do to help? Tell us in the comments!

Category: Ask Brandon Tags: bullynikki

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Comments

  1. Miss Dorkishy says

    July 24, 2018 at 9:34 am

    I’m a Muslim, I wear hijab. The difference is that I don’t go to school. I’m Home-Schooled! But I’m starting High-School in September. Your friend should be proud and love the fact she’s a Muslim. She should ignore the bully’s and show them she doesn’t care. Then they will leave her alone! You can do your part and make her feel amazing, and special wearing a hijab. HashTagShowTheBully’sIDon’tCare!!!!

  2. FUGE says

    July 24, 2018 at 3:53 am

    TRY TO STAND UP FOR THEM AND WHATEVER THEY SAY, SAY IT TO THEM

  3. luvunicorns4eva says

    July 23, 2018 at 10:35 pm

    I feel so sorry for aliyah !!!

  4. I feel u says

    July 23, 2018 at 11:49 am

    My bff is Muslim too and has bullied me. It really hurts but I feel your friend. It is not fun being bullied! Tell an adult or tell the bullies to stop. A little bulling can go a long way.

  5. Rikki says

    July 23, 2018 at 5:15 am

    If somebody is bullying you, then stand up for yourself and say “stop, I don’t like it” or tell a teacher.

  6. Dork says

    July 22, 2018 at 10:10 pm

    You should stand up to the bullies and you can tell a teacher or you can explain to them why she wears a hijab.
    They should know that it is not okay to make fun of other people.

  7. Anonymous says

    July 22, 2018 at 5:29 am

    It’s really sweet you want to help,I’m a Muslim and we have these rules while doing things bad ,our God judges them in the day of judgment.

    • I is awesome says

      July 23, 2018 at 10:33 pm

      Gurl that was deeep

      I like it :p

    • Hijabi muslim here says

      July 24, 2018 at 2:49 am

      I’m a Muslim too, so lm used to being teased for my hijab. But pulling it off!! That’s just mean!! One time I remember my hijab fell off on accident, all of the girls in my class just made a circle around me while I put it on.

  8. Muslimhijaabi#JustLikeYou says

    July 21, 2018 at 6:00 pm

    Islamophobia is not okay but what saddens me is the fact that kids are doing this,not adults. Because kids don’t just wake up and hate Muslims,it’s something they see so often,it’s become so common to see it in the news,in the streets,wherever they go, that so many think it’s okay because to them,it looks like everyone seems to hate muslims and so they seem to think it’s okay to do it BUT IT’S NOT OKAY!
    ON SO MANY LEVELS,
    IT IS NOT OKAY!!!

    That SAME WAY YOU wouldn’t pull a nun’s headpiece off or a jew’s,YOU WOULDN’T pull off a Muslim girl’s headpiece.WHY? Because it’s respect, BECAUSE it’s a free world and you are allowed to wear what you want,
    believe what you want WITHOUT being bullied,
    WITHOUT being attacked,
    and WITHOUT being oppressed and IT’S BASIC HUMAN RIGHTS,FOR GOD’S SAKE! .I’m sorry but it really saddens and angers me at the same time that there many girls,who,like her, cannot be allowed to freely wear a hijab without it being pulled off,without being judged because of it or mocked or bullied because of it,
    it really saddens me.I hope that, for the sake of humanity,that Islamaphobia stops or at least decreases,I hope that kids are taught that it’s not okay and
    that Muslims are human being like all of us and that religion should never divide nor separate people.
    sorry for the rant and yes i’m a muslim hijaabi.

    • Anonymous says

      July 24, 2018 at 2:57 pm

      true

    • Nikki's fan says

      July 24, 2018 at 2:58 pm

      Completely true

  9. Cat Lover says

    July 21, 2018 at 5:57 pm

    My friend is Muslim and says she’s going to start wearing a hijab. I hope nobody will bully her. That really sucks that this is happening to this girl. Hopefully it will get better.

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