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Rachel Renée Russell

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Dork Diaries Book 14

Dork Diaries

#1 New York Times Bestselling Series

 

Ask Brandon

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Help Brandon!

March 3, 2019

HELP! THIS GUY IS CRUSHING ON ME BUT I DON’T LIKE HIM!!

Dear Brandon,

There is a boy in my class that I found out likes me, but I don’t like him. I’m still nice to him since I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but I think it only makes him like me more. What should I do?

I’m Just Not That Into Him

Hey I’m Just Not That Into Him,

When someone likes you and you don’t like them back, it’s tricky. For one thing, it’s flattering to be liked by anybody. Sometimes it’s tempting to start crushing on someone who’s crushing on you, even if you didn’t have a crush on him before. You’re flattered by the attention and this person obviously has great taste, if they like YOU! 🙂

But if you don’t genuinely like the person for lots of other reasons, then should you really be crushing on him?

It sounds like you’re being honest with yourself about not actually liking this guy. But, you have been nice to him. That’s great! So often the response when you DON’T like someone is to treat them like garbage, just to make extra clear to them (and to everyone else) that you DON’T like them. That’s not cool, but it happens. I’m sure you’ve seen it, even if you haven’t done it.

You said maybe your niceness has encouraged him? Or maybe you’re worried he likes you because you were nice to him? Well, I mean, if he likes you because you’re nice…that’s sort of the way crushes work. Most people—thoughtful people, anyway—DO like people because they’re nice. There are probably other reasons, too. Maybe he notices that you’re smart, or good at a sport or you’re artistic, or he thinks you’re cute. But mostly, he probably thinks you’re nice.

That doesn’t mean you should be mean, though. Think about it this way. What if there’s a guy you DO like in your class, and he’s starting to like you because he also notices you’re nice? But THEN he sees you being mean to this other guy. What’s going to happen then? If he likes you even though you’re mean…then he’s not a great guy. But probably, seeing you be mean to this poor guy who likes you is going to make the other guy NOT like you.

But the MAIN reason not to be mean is…not to be mean! Like, you don’t want to be a mean person. You’re obviously thoughtful or you wouldn’t have written in about how to handle this question.

So, here’s what you should do: just continue being friendly and respectful to him. That’s it.

The thing is, he wants you to like him, just like YOU would want your crush to like YOU. But what he DOESN’T want is “pity-like,” which is when you like somebody because you feel sorry for them, not because you really like them. So while he might be hurt that you don’t return the feelings, I’m pretty sure he’d rather you respect him enough to be honest. This DOESN’T mean you have to go out of your way to tell him you don’t like him. You just shouldn’t act like you do if it’s not true.

And if he asks? You can tell him kindly that you want to be friends, but you don’t like him in that way. He’ll get over it. And I bet when he does, he’ll be grateful for your friendship.

Hey readers, how do you guys handle it when someone likes you and you don’t like them back?

Category: Ask Brandon Tags: crushnikki

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Comments

  1. cool person says

    March 17, 2019 at 2:03 pm

    i dont know

  2. #total dork says

    March 17, 2019 at 12:20 pm

    I think you should still be nice to him and maybe even be his friend if you want that. If he asks you to be his girlfriend or something ZANY like that, then I think you should tell him that you can still be his friend but you don’t like him THAT WAY. Well, glad I could help, GOOD LUCK!!!

  3. in love with same name says

    March 17, 2019 at 11:39 am

    Just be nice and include him in a lot of stuff.

  4. GOGURL says

    March 17, 2019 at 11:37 am

    Just be yourself and act like it is a super bad thing. Be nice. He’ll grow out of it eventually. P.S I have a crush on a guy like Brandon and named Brandon!! He likes me so yeah. But, I’ve been in that expiereince before and you just include him and all that stuff. You GO GIRL!!

  5. Mackinze H. says

    March 17, 2019 at 10:22 am

    So I like this guy but I do not know if he likes me

    -crush its

  6. Zak Storm Addict says

    March 17, 2019 at 9:07 am

    Be nice, friendly and continue being the great person he thinks you are. Make sure you’re not mean to him in anyway, and…. You’ll be just fine.

  7. Blah says

    March 17, 2019 at 7:07 am

    Just think of him as a normal guy in school and be calm and cool

  8. Advice Agent says

    March 17, 2019 at 6:59 am

    Hey I’m Just Not That Into Him,
    Yikes! This is tough…. 🙁
    In coming up with advice, I tried to think about how I would feel if EVERYONE was telling me that my crush and I would make an awesome couple, and I bought him a gift, but he wasn’t into it at all.
    You NEVER owe a boy ANYTHING just because he likes you. Or wants to hang out with you. Or gives you a present. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter HOW nice he is (though I’m glad he’s nice). You never, never owe a boy anything in return for his attentions. NEVER EVER. (This is true in reverse, that boys don’t owe girls anything for their attention, but the twisted way things work out is that girls don’t seem to expect to be owed anything, but a lot of times, boys do. I apologise for that, on behalf of boys.) So related to the point above, it’s NOT rude to say no when someone wants to hang out with you. I mean, sure, it depends how you say it. If he says, “Do you want to go see a movie on Saturday?” and your response is “Eeeeewwwwww, GROSS!! I would NEVER want to be seen with you or sit NEXT to you in a movie theatre. Leave me ALONE!!!” Well…that would be rude. But if you’re polite, then you have nothing to worry about. In fact, do you know what WOULD be rude? Making a guy think you like him when really you don’t. When you DO decide to hang out with someone, you should NOT feel uncomfortable with them. And, if you’re crushing on them, you might feel nervous or self-conscious or like a whole battalion of butterflies is about to explode out of your stomach in a weird reenactment of that old Alien movie. But you should NOT feel uncomfortable. The whole point of having a friend and hanging out is that you WANT to be around them. That when you’re not with them, you can’t wait to hang out again, and when you ARE with them, the time together is awesome! Otherwise, what’s the point?
    You sound like a really nice person, and that’s great. I’m not surprised this guy likes you! But nice doesn’t have to mean you let people walk all over you. Stand up for who you are and what you want. In the long run, that’s best for you and everyone around you.

    THANK YOU FOR READING THE WHOLE THING!! 🙂

    I hope this helps.
    Yours Dorkily,
    Advice Agent

  9. Popcorn says

    March 16, 2019 at 8:56 pm

    Ahh, this has happened to me. Just be careful that’s all.

  10. Book Reader says

    March 16, 2019 at 7:43 pm

    Oooh I know its a problem you should tell your mom or just try to be nice I hope your problem will end soon but Brandon gave you amazing advice so try to follow his advice.
    Your dorky pal
    Book Reader

  11. Andhra says

    March 16, 2019 at 4:15 pm

    I had the same problem once. There was this guy named Alex and he’s been crushing onbesets last year and I didn’t really like him but now I now we’re friends and I really like our friendship. OMG I think we might be even better friends with one of the future. Sqeeeeeeee!

  12. in love with same name says

    March 16, 2019 at 1:11 pm

    i like a gu y named brandon and he likes me back!!!

  13. AlwaysLoveComedyLOL says

    March 16, 2019 at 7:43 am

    That is sooooooo true! Thank you brandon for that answer! And if you still have a crush on Nikki, i want you to ask her out on a date and ask her if you can be her boyfriend! SQUEEE I’M EXITED!

  14. rainbowsparklepazaz says

    March 15, 2019 at 10:10 pm

    You should tell him bit by bit I am not into you but I think we can become really good friends and if you want even more but it will take time you don’t have to use all my advice you can only use part of it if you want but please just try a little

  15. mackenna says

    March 15, 2019 at 4:41 pm

    thank you for helping me brandon

  16. Anonymous says

    March 14, 2019 at 11:26 pm

    kind of the same prob

  17. #CuteGirl says

    March 14, 2019 at 10:11 pm

    My friend is going through that

  18. Happily ever after says

    March 14, 2019 at 7:33 pm

    To be honest, I have actully faced the same situation in Grade TWO! A grade ONE actully tried to KISS ME! It was VERY emberassing! And I’ve pretty much HATED him !

  19. Sal says

    March 14, 2019 at 6:19 pm

    OOF! That happened to me once! I just kinda let it be. Good luck! Love- Sal

  20. Blink says

    March 14, 2019 at 4:27 pm

    So many people like me!!!!!

  21. Been through that says

    March 14, 2019 at 12:16 am

    I found out a friend liked me last year but I’m still friends with him

    0 0
    –

  22. Turtle77! says

    March 13, 2019 at 5:14 pm

    I have that same problem right now! What I just do is be my self and eventually you’ll forget about it feel so BAD for you!!!

  23. HermioneTheOneAndOnly says

    March 13, 2019 at 3:14 pm

    You’re SO lucky someone likes u! Be proud of it, because that just means that they see you as a good person, and that you’re nice!

  24. Dorkasaurus- Rex^.^ says

    March 12, 2019 at 7:32 pm

    A boy who had a crush on me told someone else in my class (which was a very bad move by the way, because the person he told is totally incapable of keeping a secret) so eventually, I found out about it. At first I was mortified,but then I decided to shrug it off and act like I had never heard about it. I kept treating him normally like I would any of my classmates, and that made things way less complicated. So basically, ignore the fact and don’t overreact (ooh, I made a rhyme!!!) and eventually, it will blow over.

    Disclaimer: I have in no way implied that this will make the person involved stop crushing on you, only that it’s way less complicated and uncomfortable if you don’t make a big deal out of it.

    Also, while still being friendly to this person, your actions should make it very clear to them (in a subtle kind of way – I know, it’s complicated) that they’ve been friendzoned.
    Hope this helps,
    D-rex^.^

  25. Anon says

    March 12, 2019 at 7:28 pm

    just be nice or just act cool.

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