Hey Brandon,
Since you’re a guy, I need your help talking to my crush! I always feel like I act like a total weirdo whenever he’s around! This guy is totally cute and cool, so I don’t want to say anything weird to him! How do I respond without looking crazy when he says something to me? PLEASE HELP!!!
Speechless
Hey Speechless,
Okay, I have good news and bad news.
Let’s get the bad news out of the way first: Being a guy doesn’t make this any easier for me. There’s no magic secret to being comfortable when talking to a guy, just like there’s no magic secret for being comfortable talking to a girl.
But that brings me to the good news: We’re all in this together! EVERYONE feels like a total weirdo when talking to someone they want to impress. Not just crushes, either. This can be someone who you really want to be your friend, or a teacher or coach or some other adult you look up to. Until you get to know someone, it’s totally normal to feel self-conscious about how you act around them.
But there are also things you can do!
First, breathe, smile, and make eye contact. These seem like really basic conversation skills. But when you’re crush-flustered and worrying about a crushtastrophe, it can be easy to forget to do these things, or at least to do them naturally. So if you feel yourself starting to get anxious, take a deep breath. Don’t plaster a Cheshire Cat grin on your face, but smile naturally. The act of smiling can actually relax your body. And don’t gaze into your crush’s eyes constantly, but do make eye contact regularly throughout the conversation.
Start simple. If you haven’t ever had a conversation before, you don’t have to learn someone’s life story the first time you interact. You can start with a simple “hi” in the hallway.
Then work up to asking or offering simple favors – Want a piece of gum? Can I borrow a pencil? Do you know what the math assignment was? etc.
When you’re ready for a conversation, think about their interests. Do they play soccer? Are they in the school play? Ask them how their last game went, or how rehearsals are going for the play. If they’re into video games, ask if they’ve tried the newest game, or if they’re into books, ask what they’re reading lately.
People like to talk about themselves, so show your interest and ask open-ended questions (meaning questions that need more of an answer than yes or no). Listen, and remember what they say. And then follow up. If they mention a book, next time you talk you can tell them you checked the book out. If they mention getting ready for a game, ask them how the game went. People like to know that you’re listening.
And trust me – your crush is probably nervous too. So, you both have that in common! 🙂
