November 8, 2019 THIS GIRL IS SO MEAN TO MY FRIEND!!!! Hey Nikki, So my friend Harper is “friends” with this other girl named Alexa. But the problem is that Alexa is SUPER mean to Harper! Alexa shouts at her and makes nasty comments, and Harper always looks really hurt and upset. They make up really quick, but it all starts over again right away. I tell Harper that she can always hang out with me and my friends and that the way Alexa treats her is wrong, but she says that she “already forgave Alexa and it’s normal for friends to fight”. I want to help Harper but she won’t listen! HELP!!! Frustrating Friendship Fiasco Hi Frustrating Friendship Fiasco, GEEEEZ!! I’m trying to imagine how I would react if someone was treating Chloe or Zoey that way and my blood is boiling!!! That is NOT okay!!! ☹!! But…and this is the super frustrating thing…there’s not a lot you can do! You’re already doing what you can—letting Harper know you’re there for her, and pointing out that Alexa’s behavior is UNACCEPTABLE. It’s hard because Harper isn’t wrong – it IS normal for friends to fight, and forgiveness is a really important part of any friendship. But this sounds like it’s 1) happening way too often and 2) is really one-sided. If only one person does the shouting and one person does the forgiving, that’s not really a fair fight. And if they’re fighting more than they’re having fun, that’s miserable for everyone! The trouble is, your friend seems determined to stay friends with a “mean girl.” For some reason, she feels like she can’t back away. So all you can really do is keep being there for her and letting her know YOU are a true friend. But, you also don’t have to sit around and watch her get hurt. Because I’m sure that’s super uncomfortable and even painful for you to watch! So it’s totally fair to get out of there when a fight starts up. It doesn’t mean you’re not supporting her. It means you can’t keep watching her let this happen. So you tell her, “Look, I love you, but I can’t watch you get hurt over and over. I’ll be around when you’re done with this.” And then keep showing up for her and inviting her to hang out and treating her like a real friend does. Hopefully she’ll realize how much better she feels with friends who treat her right. But ultimately, it’s up to her to decide when she’s had enough of that “friendship!” Have you ever had to watch a friend be treated badly? How did you handle it? Have you ever felt stuck in a messy friendship that made everyone miserable? How did you get out? Tell us in the comments!
subzero fan says December 4, 2019 at 1:37 pm i know what it feels iike i got bullied in primary school
Miss DorkAlot says December 4, 2019 at 1:08 pm I mean yes, I feel for you. Alexa is being SO mean and I get it, you feel pretty useless and maybe even invisible. I totally think that Nikki’s advice is really good but I have some advice that might help! Well, maybe you can talk to Alexa. I don’t mean charge up to her and be like “Leave Harper Alone!” because that can result in a much bigger issue. But maybe you can just be like, “Look, I know you and Harper are really good friends but..” if she’s truly a good friend then she’ll listen. But if she ignores you, there is one more thing you can try. Go up to Harper and tell her exactly how you feel; just let it all out. If she pulls the same stops just tell her that you truly want her to be happy and it makes you feel so helpless to not do anything. But if all else fails then of course Nikki is right. Hope the advice helps! Miss DorkAlot
Dork R us says December 4, 2019 at 11:46 am hey, girl, I get you I use to be that friend like u you’re worried about her but you don’t have to be like that stick up for her and do it every time she or he does it it’s not right! Now just breath and you”ll be fine! 🙂