August 27, 2013 WHY I’M NEVER SCHOOL SHOPPING WITH MY MOM AGAIN! Going back to school is almost always TRAUMATIZING, and this year was no exception! It all started when I went back-to-school shopping with my mom. I just knew she’d to try to make me buy all kinds of lame, tacky stuff, like a sweater with an embroidered cat on it or a pair of wool, floral stretch pants. While I was trying on one of the many cheap, itchy outfits she picked out, I heard a sound that totally freaked me out: Squeeeee! It was coming from my mom. Seriously, she squeeed! (Suddenly it feels far less cool…) I popped my head out of the fitting room to see if she’d poked her eye with a coat hanger or something. (Her excitement sounds a lot like sheer terror!) But nope, her unscarred eyeball was still sitting perfectly in its unmarked socket. Then I saw what she was holding: a backpack with an elephant face on it…and a trunk jutting out from the top. But it wasn’t JUST a weird looking elephant backpack. It was a weird looking PINK elephant backpack! So I said, “Um, didn’t you just buy Brianna a backpack yesterday?” And SHE said, “Yeah, but you still need one. Isn’t this just darling??” After that I pretty much busted out laughing. I mean, she HAD to be joking! What girl my age would carry a pink elephant backpack? It didn’t even look like it could hold my books (ANY, let alone all of them). It would be like tying two straps to an extra large fuzzy slipper sock…not functional and completely pointless! Just as I was about tell my mom, “Thanks, but no thanks,” she started crying. I kid you not! I mean, it wasn’t full-on hysterical tears. It was misty-eyed, sniffling crying. So I said, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to laugh. It’s…nice!” Then she said, “No, it’s just…well, I had one like this when I was a little girl. I gave it to my best friend right before she moved to another state, and I never saw her or the bag again.” Awww! I felt super bad after she said that. It looked like that backpack would mean a lot to her, so I said, “We should get it!” I meant we should get it as in SHE should get it…for HER, not for me! And I thought that was pretty obvious, but I found out soon enough that I was wrong! On the first day of school, I grabbed all my notebooks, folders, and pens and shoved them into my old backpack, since I hadn’t bought a new one yet. My mom was in the shower, so I grabbed some Pop-Tarts, ran toward the door, and yelled, “Bye!” super loud. I’d planned to meet Chloe and Zoey outside of school so we could all walk in together, but I was early, so I decided to wait. Since I have the worst luck EVER, MacKenzie and all the other CCPs popped out of a Porsche right then, like it was some kind of clown car for HORRIBLE human beings. I was just about to turn around and head into school when I heard it: “Nikki dear, you forgot…” I’m sure you know exactly what came next: “YOUR BACKPACK!” Like I’m not a big enough dork already without my mom following me and handing me a bag that was CLEARLY made for a toddler! OF COURSE Mackenzie pulled out her phone to film the whole thing and then silently mouthed “dork” as she walked by my mom and me, smirking. After school I asked my mom what in the world made her think I would want that thing, since it was so childlike and super small, and she said, “I thought maybe for pencils or makeup.” So there’s one silver lining…I guess I can wear makeup now. Still, that doesn’t change the fact that my mom is SUPER embarrassing!! Have you started school yet? How was YOUR first day?