WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU LIED AND YOUR FRIEND IS ANGRY

Today’s question came in anonymously. It reads:

My friend got angry with me because I didn’t tell her that her crush and I have still been communicating. We have a past, and she thought everything between us was over.

I kept it to myself because I didn’t know how to tell her. I didn’t want to hurt her. She misunderstood my intention and thinks I made her look like a fool.

She’s still angry and wont talk to me. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to lose our friendship over a total misunderstanding. I need help!

My Advice:

Hey there, Sad With A Secret. (That’s the code name I gave you, since I don’t know your real one!)

I can tell that you value this friendship a lot, and that this situation is totally stressful for you. I’d be stressed too if Chloe or Zoey were mad at me about something like this!

But even though I totally get your feelings, I also understand where your friend’s coming from. It always stinks to feel like someone lied to you, ESPECIALLY a close friend.

I think the REAL issue here isn’t that she misunderstood your intentions about keeping this a secret. I’m sure she gets that you wouldn’t want to upset her, since you’re not a heartless sociopath, and, like everyone else in the world, you like having fun when you hang out, not fighting about boy drama.

The REAL issue is probably that she wonders why you stayed in touch with him to begin with, since you know she’s been crushing on him.

If you told her it’s in the past, it makes sense she’d be annoyed to hear, “Just kidding! It’s in the present too, but I had your best interest at heart in lying to you about it!”

Keeping a secret + defending it by saying you didn’t want to hurt her = nasty fight that’s unlikely to blow over any time soon.

Admitting you made a mistake + explaining why + apologizing = the beginning of friendship starting to recover.

So, my questions for you are:

Why did you keep communicating with him?

Are you ready to stop doing it now?

When can you invite your friend over for pizza and a heart-to-heart to tell her all this stuff?

If you DON’T intend to leave the past in the past, then there’s a pretty good chance she’s going to stay angry. Sorry…just trying to tell it to you straight!

But things have a super good chance of improving if you can say to her, “Hey there, Lost And Lied To” (that’s the code name I gave her, since I don’t know her name, either!) “I’m sure you’re totally confused about why I kept talking to him behind your back. It’s because… But it’s over now, and I’m sorry that I lied!”

What do you guys think? Do you have any advice for Sad With A Secret?