March 17, 2016 My Family Criticizes My Appearance!! Today’s question comes from Amy, who writes… Sometimes I just don’t get my family. My parents and siblings nag me about my looks (how I do my hair, how “dirty” I look even though I look totally clean, etc). Usually, I wear a ponytail, clothes that are more comfortable than fashionable, and shower every 2-3 days. But lately I’ve started to take a little more time to look good. I even search for hair tutorials on YouTube so I can try something new! A few days ago, I tried a new hairstyle and I asked the oldest of my little sisters (she is 11, I am 13) what she thought. She laughed and said I looked ridiculous. I’m not sure if she realized it, but she really hurt my feelings! Please help me, Nikki! Hi Amy! Thanks for writing to me! I’m SO sorry that you’re dealing with this! It sounds like you’re surrounded by CCPs!! What a NIGHTMARE!!! Let’s talk about your parents first. Since we were tiny babies, our parents have been bathing us, dressing us, and making us look how they think we should look. As we get older and have our own opinions, they have to let go. But, it can be hard! When your parents criticize your appearance, I think it’s about wanting you to look neat and cared for. That’s because parents feel like how you look reflects on them – if you’re dirty and raggedy, people might think they’re not doing a good job taking care of you. So, hopefully your parents don’t really care if you’re fashionable or have fancy hairstyles—they just want you to look reasonably put together. It sounds like you’re already doing that, though you guys might have different definitions of what “put together” looks like. Maybe you could sit down and talk to your parents about this issue. Let them know that when they focus on your appearance, it makes you feel self-conscious. Ask them if there’s something specific they’d like you to do that’s about basic hygiene – maybe they want you to shower every day, or they don’t like ripped jeans. Try to be open to those sorts of comments, but also let them know that you’re thirteen, and you’d like to make some of your own choices about your appearance and feel like they support you. Your siblings, though…well, they’re siblings. Of course it hurt your feelings when your sister said your hair looked ridiculous! That would hurt anyone’s feelings! And if she doesn’t realize that’s a hurtful thing to say, she SHOULD! There’s a certain amount of sibling teasing that’s just a part of being in a family. You have to judge the moment. Next time something like this happens, you might respond with a joke, or just shrug and say, “Thanks for your input.” Or you might say, “That really hurts my feelings.” Here’s the main thing to remember – aside from basic hygiene, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks or says about your looks. You shouldn’t change those things unless YOU want to. If you DO want to—great!! There’s nothing wrong with enjoying fashion or spending time on your hair. But if you’re doing it so you can fit someone else’s expectation, STOP!! That’s just letting the CCPs win! (Even if the CCP of the moment is your little sister.) The world does a great job of telling us girls that we have to look a certain way. We get it all the time from magazines, and TV, and the Internet, and kids like MacKenzie Hollister, who insult us to build themselves up. We shouldn’t have to defend ourselves from those damaging ideas at home, too. If the people around you aren’t doing a good enough job of making this clear, I just want to say that you are AWESOME! You’re smart, thoughtful, and concerned with the feelings of those around you, while also being true to yourself. Never forget that, and always let your inner dork shine through!!! What do you guys think? How should Amy respond when her family criticizes her appearance?
Clueless girl says March 24, 2016 at 1:15 pm To Nikki, I really do not know what to do because I have lost a badge at my school and I have to find it! I do not know whether to pay for it or keep looking. Pleasey cheesy with sugar on top help me out!
Dork4Ever says March 24, 2016 at 11:34 am Dear Nikki, PLEASE help me! Before school I was talking to one of my classmates, and he said that I can’t do anything because I don’t know how to do a cartwheel or run fast. Then I said, “For your information, I can play soccer 95% fine!” Well, that was a big mistake! He dared me to play soccer with the boys when we come back from spring break, which is on April 7! H e said I won’t be able to wiggle out of it. Please answer this before April 7!!! – Dork4Ever
Dork164 says March 24, 2016 at 11:13 am Nikki, I think my friend is ignoring me. You see, we’re actually a group of friends. We have a lot of fun at school, but lately I have a feeling that she’s been ignoring me for no particular reason. What should I do?!
OMG!!!!!! says March 24, 2016 at 10:44 am Hi Nikki and Hi Amy!! I can understand u Amy an d i have just past the same time that u r passing know. Some times, our familys are too old to understand the teenergers feeling so just believe in your self becouse u r right!! By Nikkis Best Fan!!
Adorkablegirl18 says March 24, 2016 at 10:44 am When you’re scared to get braces Dear Nikki, I’m really worried about getting braces. I’m scared it’s going to hurt a ton, and it’ll be hard to get used to. What should I do? -Do Braces Feel Bad?
GoodDorksWin! says March 24, 2016 at 8:38 am Hey Nikki! I have a huge problem! You see.. Whenever I ask my friends to come over (e.g at a cinema) they never show up! I ask them why and they say they are late. The next day I tried to invite them over to the seaside they said they would come but then again they never came! I think that they’re lieing to me Nikki and I don’t know why! Please help! From Hailey
Idontcare says March 24, 2016 at 1:06 pm Nikki life is sooooo confusing. This boy told my good friend he likes me. But then he asked out some other girl. At first I thogut he couldn’t tell the difference because we have the same hair color and about the same length. But then I realized I wear a ponytail and she lets hair out. I am fashionably sweet and she wears a lot of red. I really don’t like that boy but it gave me self confidence. What do I do. -sadly self confidence
Famous says March 23, 2016 at 10:39 pm Hey Nikki my sister is jealous of me because I have lighter skin than her and pinker lips and today she tripped me and I sprained my ankle and I had to get crutches but I decorated it and now she is even more jealous. What should I do Nikki? PLEASE CHOOSE MY COMMENT!❤
DorkForever101 says March 23, 2016 at 10:15 pm Dear Nikki, Me and my best friend haven,t been talking. I know she moved to a new state, but we used to always text and she had moved by then and I really miss us talking to each other. From: DorkForever101
Anonymous says March 23, 2016 at 9:52 pm Hi Nikki! I need some help. I’m a sister to 2 brothers, A younger,and older.But Sometimes I feel like as If they never want to play With me.I thought being An older and younger sister Would be fun!But it hardly Ever is.The only person I spend Most time with is my mom. My older brother hardly ever Wants to play with me,and when He asks me,I always say yes. My younger brother is almost the Same,except he never asks me To play with him.And today,I Was at my grandparents house, When I was playing the Wii with my Younger brother,when my older brother Was watching YouTube,I guess we got distracted, Because I was about to get back on the Wii, When my younger brother just turned off the Wii When I wanted to get back on it!That really hurt my Feelings.How do I get my bros to play with me?! -A sad middle child
Puppy Lover 101 says March 23, 2016 at 8:57 pm Dear Nikki, My friends all know who I like,Marshall. My other friend likes him too but we never fight over/about him. But I’m really shy about talking to guys unless they talk to me first. Today at lunch I told my friend don’t (which all my friends know means don’t call his name) she turned around and started calling his name and got his attention and made a heart with her hands and pointed at me. I GOT SO EMBARRSED!! Every day they try to make me talk to him by Calling his last name,Middle name,First name,Or his nickname I always say shutup or shut your mouth so they will be quiet. I also made a deal with my other friend who also likes him that we would tell him we like him at the end of the school year…WHICH IS LIKE IN 2 MONTHS!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!! Please help (P.S. My friend that made the heart with her hands and pointed to me, has read almost all you books or diaries she has 3 right now!) — Crush Trouble
cat noir lover says March 23, 2016 at 8:19 pm Dear Nikki,I need advice.My bff comes to me for relationship help.I give her some,but whenever she uses my advice, she ends up dating her boyfriend until the end of summer,and it’s all my fault!Then,her boyfriend walks up to me and critizes me . What do I do?
miraculous says March 23, 2016 at 8:12 pm I know how you feel my bff Asia totally got jealous of my hair ,so she told the class to vote on who’s hair is longer and better; mine or hers.Anyway, if they don’t like your faboosh style then they’re haters
The Inside Is All That Counts says March 23, 2016 at 5:52 pm I don’t really care about fashion, but if I get insulted for rocking my own style, then I let people know that they need to slow down, back off, and let me be me! I think that if you do the same, you might be O.K.! But do it kindly of course!!
No comment says March 23, 2016 at 5:45 pm Hi Nikki, You’ll probably never read this but I’m having a lot of trouble, to be exact, parent trouble…. I’m a tomboy and like chilling with guys at the park and my family keeps on yelling at me for going to the park with guys because they think I like them and they say if I go to the park again they’ll lock me out and that’s not fair, I don’t like them and neither will they like me in that kind of way. And even when I’m talking to girls on the phone my whole family criticizes me if its boys and then they won’t let me go to the park anymore and they took my phone, I respect their option and reason with them to let me go outside and they’re truly being unfair. I don’t even cause trouble! I’m a good student in grade 6 I listen to them and do nothing wrong and they just take me away from the park, they’re not accepting me as a tomboy and trying to change me into a goody two Shoes nerd and sabotaging my social life! Please help Nikki, thanks! – no comment